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Chill Ass Chad May Single-Handedly Save California House Parties

As some real wise dudes once said, “You gotta fight for your right to party.” And, like honestly, they couldn’t have been more correctamundo.

Most of us spend our cush little lives completely taking for granted our God given right to rage. We dip grizz, rip bongs, and sip brews without ever giving a second thought to the fact that in some countries, shotgunning is illegal. Lucky for us, Chad is here to make sure we are never denied this sacred and inalienable civil liberty.

The powers that be in California are trying to ban house parties in the Hollywood Hills. Translation? Mega bummer. Standing in front of the city council, our hero Chad begins to recount the ways house parties shaped his young adulthood. Let me pause here for a second and talk about the most egregious part of this whole ordeal. Why the hell did Lauren S. curve man like that? What a bitch. I’m sure Stacy M. was chill and all, but for real. What the fuck?

I totally digress. Chad is the kind of advocate we need, not just in California, but in Washington. It starts with a few house parties in the Hills, and then the next thing you know they are banning beer pong in SoCal. Then it’s a nationwide outlawing of icing your buds. These are the baby steps that lead to buzz kill legislation like the great prohibition. Can you even imagine a world without cases stacked high and wizard sticks that touch the sky? That, my dudes, is not a world I would like to live in. No Bueno.

So let’s pay close attention to this legend and follow suit. There will always be someone trying to take away the freedoms this country was founded on. We must always be vigilant in protecting these precious human necessities. We must preserve these ancient traditions for the generations who will party after us. Let’s raise a cold one and toast Chad the freedom fighter, the protector of good times, and the all around champion of bros’ rights.

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Mike Hale

“Just remember, we are all boys grown tall.” -Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black

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