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Chandler Parsons Signs Offer Sheet While Raging At Club With Mark Cuban

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Mavs owner Mark Cuban is at it again, this time with restricted free agent Chandler Parsons, doing his best Johnny Manziel impression by inking his three-year, $45 million offer sheet while raging at a club called The Attic in Orlando. While there weren’t any rolled up bills in the bathroom (that we know of) reports have said Cuban and Parsons went hard, not leaving until early the next morning.


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But is that really a surprise? We all know that Cuban loves to party. After the Mavs beat the Heat in South Beach, The Cubes dropped more than 100 grand on bottle service for Dirk and the boys. I’m pretty sure San Antonio’s owner, Peter Holt, gave Tim Duncan a manly handshake and a pat on the rear after the Spurs completed the same task just last month.

Some may hate the way Cuban goes about his business. He’s loud. He wears T-shirts to games. There’s no Pat Riley power slick-back. But he’s never operated like a traditional owner in that regard. A night out partying to house music and drinking excessive amounts of grain alcohol while offering ludicrous amounts of money to the third best player on a team who didn’t even get to the conference semis is just how he operates. I don’t know what it is, Cubes. It may be because you’re a fellow Hoosier or it may be because you are on the only reality show I actually watch. But whatever the reason…I like your style.

And good for you, Chandler Parsons. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been wooed as awesomely for a job like this. $45 MILLION?! You go, Chandler Parsons! Want to know what my last contract looked like? When I started at TFM, I got a solid nut tap from The Boulevard, a Rowdy Gentleman koozie, and a letter that said “don’t fuck up” with a smiley face etched in blood.

I never found out whose blood that was, and frankly, I’m a little too afraid to ask. Has anyone seen the DeVry Guy lately?

You guys…?

[via Busted Coverage]

Images via Twitter

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Jordan Gershowitz

Jordan is a writer living in a small yet overpriced apartment in NYC. He can always be found in his favorite pair of topsiders, even though he doesn't own a yacht (yet). He may not always be right, but he's never wrong and he also knows that finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything. He could eat cereal for every meal, but doesn't...because you know...carbs. For angry tweets about the state of IU basketball follow him @jordangersh

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