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The maid’s car being parked in the driveway of your house on Google Maps street view.
Being significantly tanner after winter break.
Endorsing her oral presentation skills on LinkedIn. TFM.
Until college I never knew all the things that could be ingested through a nose. TFM.
Pouring in 23 straight three-pointers while burning the same heater. TFM.
Lighting your heater with one of the ritual candles. TFM.
Accusing your exec board of being tyrannical fascists. TFM.
Saying “may I?” before chugging a pledge’s drink. TFM.
Barring entry to the girl who got an STD over the summer and citing her as a fraternity health code violation. TFM.
Training yourself to rub one out in exactly 69 seconds. TFM.
Pledge nicknames aimed to accentuate their biggest insecurities. TFM.
“Summering” wherever you stay during the summer. TFM.