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California Teen Bakes Cupcakes Filled With Semen and Pubic Hair, Serves Them To Her Bullies

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Girls are cruel, man. After years of rejection and restraining orders, I have to finish damn near a handle just to approach one. They’re frightening, evil creatures that leave you with nothing but a broken heart and some blue balls as they ride away on the dick of some other loser. Sadly, the shit they pull on us is just child’s play compared to their interactions with each other. That, my friends, is when shit hits the fan – or, whatever girls do since they don’t poop.

A California high school student is being investigated after she allegedly gave away cupcakes filled with semen, pubic hair, expired food, and pills to the girls that had been bullying her. I mean really… semen?! Who the hell volunteered to jizz in the cupcake mix? I may have failed high school biology, but I’m damn near certain it is impossible for females to produce semen. While I’m never opposed to throwing some rope anywhere you feel the urge, it has never crossed my mind to add my own icing to the cupcake batter. This is probably one question I do not want answered.

As for the other shit she threw in there, I really hope she added a few Adderall pills, just so her tormentors were forced to focus on what they had just consumed for a few hours. Also, Bear Grylls has proven to us many times that you may drink piss without any adverse side effects. So no worries there, girls.

Surprisingly, the girl didn’t admit at first what was in the cupcakes, and only stated the ingredients after being asked why it tasted so bad.

As of Friday, homemade goods are no longer allowed to be passed out at the school. Police are investigating but no charges have been filed.

While I partially believe this story is bullshit and she just exaggerated her shitty baking skills to disgust her bullies, I really don’t care enough to dispute it and am happy to roll with it.

Well played, you devious little shit.

[via WPTV]

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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