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Breaking Down A Creepy Fetish Request Pitt’s Chi O President Received Via Email

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I truly believe women appreciate men being forward with them. Maybe not in an overly explicit, graphic way, but certainly in a clear and confident manner. If you’re a guy, you should generally follow that approach when talking to a girl. That is, unless you’re asking to play with her and all her friends’ feet. You keep that shit to yourself.

The president of Chi Omega at the University of Pittsburgh recently received an email from a local creep politely asking to be the sorority’s “foot slave.” Yeah, these are the types of things you deal with as a sorority president.

Subject: To the Women of Chi Omega From: [redacted] Date: Mon, January 27, 2014 3:22 pm

Two things jump out at me right away:

1) This guy was totally in a fraternity. I have a hard time believing a GDI would know to address a sorority as “To the Women Of….” That’s basically Greek Relations 101. So now I’m wondering, how much foot action was this guy getting in college? After he went through a couple girls in the same house, did they ever get together and say to each other, “Okay, so I wasn’t the only one who let Steve do sex stuff to my toes and paint my nails, right?”

This reminds me of the time a sorority sister of my ex-girlfriend admitted to giving a guy a foot job. When I heard that, I laughed myself to tears. In fact, I’m laughing about it again now, pretty hard. Foot stuff is funny.

2) A Yahoo email address? RED FLAG. You already know this guy is weird and he hasn’t even gotten to the part about playing with feet yet.

Dear (president’s name) and fellow members of Chi Omega,

My name is [redacted], I am a 30 year old male who lives and and works in Pittsburgh. I have a house, a job, a car – pretty much a normal life.

Key words, “pretty much.”

The reason I’m writing is because I have always wanted to be a foot slave or houseboy for a sorority or group of girls.

Is this like being a Lady Gimp?

I guess simply throwing out the term “foot slave” like those are two words everyday people slap together is the best strategy here. Make her feel weird for not thinking foot slaves are normal things. She’s the crazy one, not you. Clever ploy, sir.

There is nothing sexual at all with this.

*cough*BULLSHIT*cough* *cough*YOU WILL FAP TO THIS NIGHTLY*cough*

Telling a girl that you want to play with her feet but that it isn’t sexual is like viciously insulting someone and then ending the insult by saying, “But I mean that will all due respect.” It’s just a lie.

Here’s how Urban Dictionary defines “foot slave.”

Screen Shot 2014-02-04 at 4.56.47 PM

I’d like to come over once a week and paint toes of some of your members, do laundry, or basically whatever chores or things you’d like me to do for a few hours a week.

Yeah, they have a house staff for the chores, and one that they can simply give money for their services instead of offering up their feet in some sort of weird, one-sided sexual favor. As far as painting toes goes, they’ll probably stick with their pedicurist who has the professional courtesy to not get a raging erection while working.

I know this is weird. But I promise you I’m a safe, sane person with a college degree.

Again – I only want to serve you guys.

For the small, small price of you having a forever full spank bank. Maybe they could bring him on full time and show him off during rush.

“That’s right ladies, we’re the only house on campus with a foot slave. What’s a foot slave you ask? Well, quite simply, he’ll do your laundry, paint your toenails, and masturbate pretty much immediately to the thought of all that. How do we benefit from that? Uhhh….”

If you or any of your members are interested I’d love to hear back.

Yeah, we know.

I’m happy to answer any and all questions that you have.

Regards, [redacted]

The only question that really comes to mind is, “WHY?”

The email has been confirmed as legitimate, and our sources tell us that Chi O is a top tier house at Pitt, definitely one whose feet are worth jackin’ it to, if you’re into that sort of thing.

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