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Brazilian Vendor Creates A Hot Dog In Honor Of America For The World Cup And It’s A Gluttonous Monster

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It doesn’t matter if the streets of one host city are flooded with two feet of water. It doesn’t matter if another host city is so deep in the jungle that its very existence is constantly under threat of being swallowed by blood thirsty, sentient vines or overrun by evolved monkeys. The Brazilians don’t care. Nothing can curb their enthusiasm for the World Cup. Everything in that country right now is soccer-centric, big and small. That includes one hotdog vendor who took it upon himself to create specialty dogs for several nations playing in this year’s cup. Because the United States is the hotdog capital of the world, naturally the USA was honored with a dog of its own, and it’s a monster.


Let’s break this heart attack down.

– Red, white, and blue bun.
– A sausage (not sure if that means a regular hotdog or some South American equivalent).
– Mustard
– BBQ sauce
– Mayo
– Some sort of nacho cheese or Cheez Whiz type sauce
– Cole slaw
– What appears to be some sort of beans, possibly chili?

Not a bad effort, though the cole slaw is sort of a mystery to me. It goes with BBQ I guess? And the mayo is just downright French-Canadian, which is an insult. You know who puts mayo on their hotdogs? Mimes and fat dudes who look like bullfrogs and wear old, food stained Nordiques sweaters. I can think of a few improvements to make this a truly American dog, however.

– Stick with the red, white, and blue bun. That’s classy as shit.
– A regular, old-fashioned footlong hotdog, in honor of American excess.
– Buffalo sauce (for the red)
– Buttermilk ranch dressing (for the white)
– Bleu cheese dressing (for the blue, also, we’ll be spelling “bleu” as “blue”, because we believe in freedom).
– Chili (Texas style, with no beans)
– Nacho cheese
– Garnished with bacon, for freedom*

*At the request of a commenter who pointed out its egregious omission.

And fuck you if you eat it with a knife and fork.

[via Eater National]

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