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Brazilian Soccer Team Only Allowed Normal Sex Positions During World Cup

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As a country known for having beautiful women with magnificent bodies, going to Brazil would surely be a dream come true for anyone with some kinky sexual desires. With beaches full of sexy women wearing dental floss and candy wrappers as bikinis, I can only imagine how amazing it must be to live the life of a star Brazilian soccer player. I’d imagine the women line up for a chance to taste greatness.

As the host nation for the World Cup, if they want to avoid international embarrassment, Brazil better not flop out of the tournament without making a little noise first. If anyone is set on making sure nothing stupid happens that could jeopardize their chances, it’s the Brazilian national team’s manager, Luiz Felipe Scolari.

In a recent press conference, the manager informed the world that he was banning “acrobatic sex positions” during the World Cup. He is still graciously allowing the players to run train on whomever they desire, as long as they conduct their sexual encounters in a “balanced way.” While I’d venture to say the Brazilian players could think of some crazy stunts to pull in the bedroom, the amount of tail they’d be able to pull after a successful appearance in the World Cup would most likely put their current options to shame.

I can’t blame the manager for trying, though. If I was a South American soccer god in a nation full of Brazilian women, I’d play fucking bongos on her ass while hanging from the damn ceiling, just because I can. Scolari’s effort is a valiant one though, and only time will tell if the players chose to listen.

Go America.

[via FOX Soccer]

Image via Getty

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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