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Boulder Man Arrested For Drunk Horseback Riding

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Driving under the influence is one of the worst things you can do. It’s incredibly dangerous for all involved, and even more dangerous to those not involved. The only time it’s acceptable in my book is when you’re under the influence of Viagra, steering your vehicle Tommy Lee style. It’s a TFM. While it would be mildly arousing, I sincerely hope the man in this following case was not doing that.

Police in Boulder have arrested a man suspected of riding a horse under the influence of alcohol, CBS Denver reported.

C’monnnnn. Who hasn’t gotten drunk at a bar, lied to one of those weird horse girls (they’re always so hot but way, way too obsessed with horses) about how much you, too, loves horses, and then stolen a horse and pretended it was yours to try and seal the deal? You’re a damn liar if you say you haven’t.

The man was taken into custody by University of Colorado police at approximately 2:30 p.m. Monday.

So it was during broad daylight. Alright. That’s a little weirder. By that, of course I mean the good, Workaholics brand of weird, not the relationship between Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus kind.

Police said the horseman was riding around with beer in his saddlebags, and that he also had a dog in his backpack. No details were given as to the man’s blood alcohol content – or of the horse, for that matter – although police did say the animal was disrupting traffic.

I’m just going to come out and say it: this guy sounds like he likes to have a good time. Getting hammered in the afternoon, rounding up your dog, some brews, and your awesome horse and just chilling in the middle of the road, letting all passing motorists know that you’re the fucking man. It’s a bold move, and I respect the hell out of it.

In all seriousness, I feel like driving a horse while drunk is safer than driving a boat while drunk. It’s not like the horse is just going to sit idly by as you walk him into oncoming traffic or across a median.

It’s just too bad the horse wasn’t Mister Ed, then he could’ve told the cop he was DDing.

[via CBS News]


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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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