Maybe your chapter is in debt. Maybe your membership is too low to collect enough money for a nicer trip. Maybe your chapter isn’t allowed at any respectable venue within 500 miles. For whatever reason, your formal is looking less than stellar this year. While this may be an awful situation to find yourself in, I’ll do what I can to help you make the most of it by highlighting some third-rate formal locations to check out. This first installment features a place where a low-budget knockoff of The Hangover could be filmed: West Wendover, Nevada.
Activities: Hiking, camping, golfing, gambling your dick off, drinking your sorrows away, leaving.
Weather: Hotter than the devil’s dirtstar, or colder than the freezer burn on a forgotten microwave dinner.
They say that if you shoot for the moon and fail, at least you’ll land among the stars. Similarly, if you head west on I-80 for California and break down, you’ll find yourself in a poor man’s Vegas. Situated in the eastern park of Elko County, this desert hamlet of around 4,000 souls can be a place for your fraternity to enjoy all the pleasures and vices of Las Vegas without all the pesky traffic and high prices. To call this place a hidden gem would be inappropriate; hidden rhinestone would be a better descriptor. You’ll want to be careful getting there, as you can blink and miss the exit entirely. Once you and your formal guests have safely arrived and chowed down at a local truck stop, you’ll need to determine which of the motels or RV parks is right for your crew. It would be prudent to do this before sundown, as a dust storm could blow in and obscure your field of vision, provided a whole handle of Ten High whiskey hasn’t done the job already.
A formal in West Wendover will definitely help you to identify the girls who are loyal to your house. You won’t have to waste any time dealing with women who are “trying to have a good time,” or “looking to have a formal to remember.” Nay, the dates that come with you will have to abandon any ideas of the overall experience, opting instead for the vices that only such a town as this can provide. Be wary, my friends, for West Wendover carries with it a terrible curse. When you look around and see the bleary-eyed, perpetually-hungover locals, just know that they were once like you and me. Somewhere along the way, they came across this place, and for whatever reason have not been able to leave. If you leave a brother here by mistake, you may return in a few years’ time to find that he’s aged at twice the rate of a normal human being, and now works at a local dive bar or payday loan company. You’ve been warned..
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