======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
He’s baaaaaacccckk, FIU students. The serial ass-grabber is on the loose again.
Florida International University police are looking for the male suspect accused of a drive-by groping on Sunday night.
From the Miami Herald:
The alert comes after a woman reported that someone on a bicycle grabbed her rear-end while she walked near the Green Library on the main campus in West Miami-Dade at 9:30 p.m. Sunday night.
Well done, geed. That half-a-second of ass in your hairy palms must’ve been such a thrill. I hope your boner doesn’t get caught in the bike chain.
The school has been on the prowl for the serial butt-grabber for about a year now after several [women] reported being groped. The reports began last June. Then he struck again in September.
Wow. If you add up the entire amount of ass you’ve grabbed in the past year, that’s a whole five seconds. Maybe instead why don’t you steal $50 a get a three-minute lap dance from a stripper?
Supposedly, bikes aren’t the only means of transportation for butt-toucher(s) at FIU. WTVJ spoke with another victim.
“A few weeks ago she was the victim of a similar incident, but in her case the man was on rollerblades.”
You, sir, have just ruined sick, neon-themed rollerblade dance parties in South Beach.
All jokes aside, these campus gropers pop up at nearly every school, and they’re flat out creepers. The “bear hugging bandit” struck at Mizzou a few years ago. While classifying a bear hug as a crime sounds ridiculous, the at least potentially charming weirdo ended up being an actual lurking creep (and probably a future serial killer).
FIU’s ass-grabber faces up to a year in jail per count. There’s plenty of ass to grab in jail, yours being one of them..
Image via Instagram