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Bear Mace + Two Man Scooter Rides + Vigilante Justice = The Funniest Fraternity Story I’ve Ever Heard

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File this under “Fail News.”

The Sigma Phi Epsilon chapter at the University of Colorado-Boulder is a proud chapter. If you mess with Sig Ep, you better believe you’re going to pay for it. In fact, even if you didn’t mess with Sig Ep there’s a good chance that you and all your friends will still be collateral damage. Such was the case with CU-Boulder’s ZBT chapter as well as an innocent college girl at home watching TV.

In celebration of the Fourth of July, Sig Ep had put out their letters decorated in red, white, and blue. Apparently someone thought it would be funny to steal the Sigma. Stephen Armbruster, a member of Sig Ep, later recovered the Sigma after finding it on a nearby porch. After a long day of drinking, Armbruster and his fraternity brother, Robert McManus, decided to seek revenge for the theft of the precious America themed Sigma that was missing from their property for less than 24 hours. So the two men, both 21-years-old, hopped on Armbruster’s scooter and headed to the house where the Sigma was found.

Once at the house, McManus, who was still uncertain about who had actually stolen the letter, reached inside the open door and sprayed a can of bear mace he had brought with him. A young woman watching TV was the only person home. She began choking and crying before retreating to the bathroom and calling the police.

McManus and Armbruster, meanwhile, no doubt on a high that only bear macing innocent women can give you, decided to continue their shenanigans. Nearby at the Zeta Beta Tau house a party was going on, and many of the party goers were on the front lawn. As they passed by the ZBT house on their scooter, McManus and Armbruster proceed to carry out the whitest drive by in the history of drive bys, by bear macing the entire front lawn of the ZBT house… from their moving scooter. When police arrived at ZBT they described the front lawn as “complete chaos.” The ZBTs and their guests were in extreme pain, some even vomiting from the intense bear macing.

McManus and Armbruster were well on their way to escaping scott free but fate conspired against them. As the Sig Eps drove away on the scooter the wind changed direction and shifted the cloud of bear mace towards them. Once enveloped by the cloud of bear mace that they themselves had sprayed, Armbruster became overwhelmed and crashed the scooter.

Police found the scooter crash scene and arrested the two of them a short time later.

McManus was arrested on suspicion three counts of second degree assault and one count of burglary. Armbruster meanwhile was charged with suspicion of DUI and accessory to a felony.

No word on if at any point they shouted “Bear mace that guy, brah!”

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