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Ban On Long Putters Reversed, America Hangs Head In Shame

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Sometimes you win the battle, but lose the war. The good guys don’t always prevail. The PGA Tour has won the pissing contest. The anchor ban will not stand. People everywhere who have long-putters and short penises, can rejoice. People with self-respect may take a moment to pause and reflect. We almost had those long-putting communist terrorist bastards by the balls. Tim Finchem, whose very name reeks of GDI, a former economic adviser and lackey to Jimmy Carter, runs the PGA Tour, or more precisely, is running the PGA Tour into the ground. That’s right, Jimmy Carter’s economic adviser brought the long-putter back from the dead.

First it was women at Augusta, now the long-term end of traditional putting. What’s next? Cargo shorts? Denim? Full scale minigolf courses in China that cater exclusively to geeds? God only knows.

So, “I’m a purist, I’ll never switch, and I’ll beat any geed with a long-putter any day,” you say? Not so fast. There is a clear and very illegal advantage to these monstrosities. How long before every kid in America is using one? The next generation will grow up with them and never know the joys of sinking a putt with a real putter. How long before everyone on the Tour has to adapt to compete, or even keep their Player’s Card? How long until they become so common that your house bids a guy with one without thinking twice?

The USGA is opposed to long-putters. The Royal and Ancient Golf Club is opposed to long-putters. Fraternity men everywhere are opposed to long-putters. The only people who are in favor of them are the Tour players who couldn’t find a good hook up for deer antler spray and decided this was the best way to cheat to win. Oh, and the pinko-commie-geeds from the Carter administration.



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