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Welcome to “Bad Commenter Of The Week,” a weekly series here on TFM wherein I will roast a TFM commenter whom I deem roastworthy for one reason or another — or maybe for no reason at all. Lucky for me, I get to handpick my target. Maybe you’ll agree with my selection, maybe you won’t, maybe it’ll be you. Only time will tell, and I have it on high authority that time’s lips are sealed. Looks like you’ll just have to keep tuning in if you want to see who each week’s massive idiot target is.
Unlike in our series “Commenter Of The Week,” I will not be interviewing the commenter I select because, quite frankly, they don’t deserve that courtesy. If you happen to be the target of my current or future ire, feel free to respond in the comment section, dumbass.
This week’s Bad Commenter, Bearded Clam, spent his time these last seven days shooting up the ranks of the Bad Commenter Chart — which actually is a real chart that exists; it sits in the corner of the office by the little elementary school-style desk at which we force podcast producer Ham to sit (follow Ham on Twitter here, by the way)). Here’s an excerpt from Dillon’s piece “Wild Horse Stomps Out Alligator Because Nature Is Scary,” and Bearded Clam’s response to it that was really, really bad:
Horses are sneaky evil. I’m telling you. Keep them in your peripheral when they’re around. One minute you’re feeding them carrots by hand and stroking their mane, then the next your brain fragments are scattered all over the barn. I’ve seen it a thousand times.
I must admit that, if executed correctly, I may have let out a little chuckle at this joke. Changing Dillon’s innocent gesture of stroking a horse’s mane into a bestiality-laden handjibber is comedy.
Bearded Clam fucked it hard, though. Not only did Bearded Clam claim to be fixing Dillon’s typos when in reality he’d actually inserted typos into a typo-less statement, but he also made the statement nonsensical by implying the horse’s brains were scattered about for some reason rather than the human’s; makes no sense in context. Idiot.
Here are some more shit comments from Bearded Clam this week:
Yes, Bearded Clam may have been commenting with the sole intention of being named BCOTW; we’ll never know. All we do know is that he made some shit comments, and thus deserved to be called out. I like to think of this series as the TFM version of the college football death penalty. Once you get handed it, you slip into irrelevance. Downvotes until the end of days. No coming back. It’s my contribution to this crazy world. My way of instilling order. Y’all are welcome.
Your comments are bad and you should feel bad, Bearded Clam. Your You’re a massive idiot and deserve all the shame that comes you’re your way..
Image via Shutterstock