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AT&T Worker Stands By And Films As Gun-Toting, Elderly Floridian Man Shoots Out His Tires

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First, I will present you with video of the eponymous gun-toting, elderly Floridian man shooting out the tires of a couple AT&T service trucks.

Now, I will present to you my theories:

•The gun-toting, elderly Floridian man hates the concept of routine maintenance. “Why erect these big ol’ poles outside my house if you’re gonna have to keep comin’ back and fiddlin’ with ’em?” I bet he said. It’s worth noting that, being an elderly man, he probably doesn’t understand the humor in the phrase “erect these big ol’ poles,” which makes this whole fake exchange (that I’ve created then led myself to believe actually happened) a little more fun.

•The gun-toting, elderly Floridian man was watching Matlock and the trucks’ beeps were drowning out Andy Griffith’s stellar monologues.

•The gun-toting, elderly Floridian man felt so betrayed by Paul, the old Sprint spokesman who switched over to Verizon, that he lashed out when he saw telecommunication maintenance trucks outside his house. His elderliness prevented him from understanding that AT&T is not involved in said betrayal in any way.

•The gun-toting, elderly Floridian man is a gun-toting, elderly Floridian man, and thus is prone to doing things typical of gun-toting, elderly Floridian men.

[via Twitter/@BillyCorben]

Image via Twitter/@BillyCorben

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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