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Ask Intern Sydney

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1. My world came crashing down when I saw you were in a serious accident. I couldn’t imagine not reading your posts every Friday and jerking it to your instagram photos. (Hoping the injuries won’t effect your hotness). I know it was a mountain biking accident but do you mind telling us what happened? PS I love you.

Honestly shouts to my TFM readers. Y’all were the only ones genuinely concerned with my well-being where all my real life friends made jokes about it.

So it all began with renting mountain bikes in Colorado (first off, screw this shitty state). My second mistake was opting out of wearing a helmet, because what nerd wears a helmet and looks cool? My third mistake was ever getting on the bike, knowing my coordination skills are below average. So there I am, about 7 miles in and my phone begins to ring. Naturally, being technology addicted, I get side tracked and look down (biggest mistake).

When I look back up I realize I’m veering off into a 20 foot drop off of rocks and that’s where I lose my memory. From what I’ve been told, I gashed my temple and got knocked unconscious as I continued to roll down the rocks and into a lake. Fortunately, people were nearby or I would have drowned. My phone broke during the incident, so I never did see who called me and caused all of this, but if you’re reading this, I hate you.

2. I’m glad you are ok. I am not asking in a mean way but what are your injuries? Will they affect your looks for life?

Putting any questions about my accident first, because that’s what most of you have asked about and I’d rather get them out of the way now. Most questions have been about my injuries affecting my looks. Glad y’all are more concerned with that than I am.

My worst injury is a gash on my temple. It’s currently stitched up with 12 stitches that will be removed Sunday. Although it’s on the very side of my face and wouldn’t be very noticeable, I’m still having a plastic surgeon do scar revision so it really won’t affect anything. I have a concussion and a lot of cuts and bruises, but those will all be gone within a week. So no worries, TFM readers. I will look the exact same as before.

3. It seems like you didn’t take your accident very seriously. Every post on social media was a joke. Is that because you wish your shitty life would have ended?

Love my fans! I’m very grateful I’m alive, and if you know me or have read even one of these articles you know I’m not a serious person. I’m not one to post photos of an accident and caption them seriously, because it’s not my goal for people to feel sorry for me. In every photo I’ve posted I’m smiling in the hospital bed, even when I’m wearing a neck brace covered in blood.

4. I don’t know why you didn’t enjoy Colorado. Ya you busted your head open but shit happens right? Either way it’s beautiful country up in the mountains and it’s not hot as balls. Also, why did you die your hair red? Not a good look.

Dear Cody Holland, kindly fuck off and never email me again thnx. I’ve been in your “country” about 5 times, and from what I’ve seen all the towns are small and shitty. The people are rude as hell, but maybe I’m just used to southern charm. Really funny that you included my “dyed” hair that was soaked with blood when I’ve already pointed it out on social media, aka not funny or original. I’d rather get in another mountain biking accident than get an email from you again.

5. Whats the worst thing you have had to do while being hungover?

Coming into the office and writing these articles.

6. Kill, Fuck, Marry: Leo’s character from the Wolf of Wall Street, Leo’s character from the Great Gatsby, Leo’s character from the Revenant. Keep in mind if you choose to kill Leo from the Revenant, he won’t die, he’ll just come back and kill you instead. Explain your reasoning.

I guess I’d kill Leo from the Wolf of Wall Street because he ends up in prison. Eff Leo from Revenant, even though I didn’t pay attention once during the movie. Marry Leo from Great Gatsby, because dream man.

7. I’ve found myself in quite the predicament. I’m dating a girl whose father happens to be the boss of my boss at a rather reputable capital management firm. Said internship was obtained on about 10% merit, 90% her dad hooking me the fuck up. The way things are going though, I think a full time offer could be on the table post graduation. Problem is, I absolutely cannot stand this girl anymore. Like rather felate a hot curling iron than spend another weekend of getting bitched out over pointless shit, and basically just being around her in general bad. To my credit, I actually really did like her at the beginning – not just using her to climb the corporate ladder. I’m not that much of a douchefuck. So my question is this; do I just ride it out in the hopes of career advancement, or cut ties and pray for the best. I just can’t imagine it faring well for yours truly if I end this, but my general well being / quality of life is marginally diminishing each time I have to put up with her shit. What’s the move here? Also if I end up cutting it off, that formal invite is wide open. Let me know.

From a girls perspective, she probably doesn’t even know how you’re feeling about her currently. If you dump her right now, your chances at a full-time job drops drastically. I recommend you sit down and actually tell her all the things she’s doing to piss you off and that it’s not going to work if she continues acting that way. If she continues to bitch at you for nonsense at least you can say “I told you it wouldn’t work if you kept doing this,” so she isn’t totally blindsided. Best of luck, honestly interested in how this one turns out so keep me updated.

8. I’m in the US Army and currently deployed. I have to say I love your articles. They have gotten me through this deployment a lot. So when I was in college, currently going back when I’m get home, I noticed that I would hit on a woman and I would always get rejected the moment they found out I was in the Army, but I’m not going to deny it just to get in a girls pant. So what’s your opinion on this situation?

I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way at all, but anytime I’ve met a guy in the military they can’t go two sentences without bringing it up. Many men I’ve met that are in the military just seem to think they’re so much better than everyone. It may not be true for all, but it’s definitely a stereotype given. Don’t get me wrong, lots of girls love a man in uniform so maybe it’s best to stick with those.

9. Curious what your future plans are regarding your work with TFM, if one day you’d like to be a full time employee, rather than an intern.

I love interning with such an awesome company (they didn’t pay me to say that), but my career goals do revolve around a different field. Everyone’s been pushing me to start writing articles besides this one. I’m totally up for it but I honestly don’t know what you people want to read about, so feel free to send me ideas. I have 9 months until I graduate and who knows what will change in that period, but for the time being I’m happy with where I’m at.

10. What’s your stance on getting back with exes, and unrelated do you think you’ll be verified before Dorn.

Getting back with exes almost never works, unless there has been a justifiable amount of time since the first breakup. Also, don’t try the FWB thing because that always never works. As for being verified before Dorn, I don’t see how I wouldn’t be at this point.

11. My girlfriend broke up with me over a text and I did nothing. My sex game was strong and she blocked me from everything. Then a couple weeks later she sent me my clothes in shitty beat up box in the mail and she didn’t bother to send me back my tooth brush or ray bans. Do you think she cheated on me?

Have you tried talking to her to see what went wrong? Some people are just psycho and don’t give you reasons and never speak to you again *cough, cough my ex boyfriend*. If the girl has that many problems it’s probably best you stay away from her, as hard as it is. It’s definitely a possibility she found someone else and cheated on you, but don’t spend all your time thinking that. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and it’s not always your fault.

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Mac and cheese enthusiast. First runner-up for most humorous in high school. D-list celebrity. Professional social media stalker.

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