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Ask Intern Sydney

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Preface: This week’s mailbag is going to be a little different than previous weeks, because apparently you’re all a bunch of sensitive pussies who can’t take a joke. Disregarding the last comment, I will now try to be as inoffensive as possible for the rest of this column.

1. So we all know your responses to some of these are hilarious but they can also be kind of harsh. My question is are you like that in person or is the real Sydney a total sweetheart? Either way I don’t see your fan base going anywhere, you’re great.

The most common thing people tell me after they’ve hung out with me for the first time is “I thought you were going to be a real stuck up bitch.” Still not sure if I should take it as a compliment or insult. I understand I come off a certain way, especially on these columns, but I’m actually somewhat of a decent human being. There’s a social media Sydney that only portrays certain parts of my life. I think that’s what most people forget, even though that’s what most people judge me off of.

2. Athletic frame with a mediocre sense of humor or scrawny yet extraordinarily witty?

Difficult to answer because those are two of the most important traits to me. I dated an athletic frame with a mediocre sense of humor before and it just wasn’t worth it. If you can’t make me laugh, it’s not going to work.

3. University of Maryland vs Penn State??? Please weigh in on this heavily debated topic because 20% of all TFM readers come from one of those two institutions of higher [hard] learning [partying].

Wish I could answer your question, but I’m from the south and my knowledge on these schools is equivalent to knowledge I have of simple mathematics (not a lot).

4. Why doesn’t dorn have an “ask dorn” on totalsororitymove??

Honestly a great question. @Dorn we need answers.

5. If this makes it online, shout out to SAE Cal Zeta. My question is this, I have been dating the same girl for several years and I am a fairly decent boyfriend, but I suck at coming up with present ideas, what is the most creative gift a guy has given you? Or what do you wish a guy gave you?

Every gift I’ve gotten from a boyfriend has been pretty basic and inside the box, aka Nike tennis shoes, flowers, etc. (doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate them). I’d consider myself an excellent gift giver so I’ll let you all in on a little secret. I keep a notes tab in my phone and whenever any of my friends, relatives, boyfriend or whoever mentions something they want or think is cool, I write it down. It really comes in handy around holidays and birthdays. The key is listening and paying attention to what they like and enjoy.

6. I have high ass standards. Is that bad?? I get made fun of for turning down girls all the time. I flirt back occasionally but my friends still think I might be coming out of the closet sometime soon. Any advise? Should I lower my standards or just stick to it?

It’s rare you find a college guy that has high standards, let alone any standards, so good for you. You definitely shouldn’t lower them. You’ll find someone who meets your expectations eventually and will be glad you didn’t settle.

7. Every time I read your segment where you answer questions people send in it makes me want to puke. I can’t believe the arrogance that you portray. You think you’re hot shit, you think you’re smart, you think you’re witty with you’re responses but in reality you are so air headed and ignorant that thinks everyone else on the planet is inferior to you. No wonder you haven’t had a boyfriend in a while. Good guys don’t like girls that act like you do. Get your head out of the clouds and try to stay a little more humble and understanding. You and I would both agree that there are a lot of ignorance in the world today, but everyone deserve some respect. Get off of your high horse and learn to live and love a little bit.

I really love that people on here take me so seriously. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This is a college humor website. Also, I’m single for reasons within my control… If I wanted a boyfriend that bad I could have one. You say everyone deserves respect, then you should fully understand why I respond to the questions the way I do. Some are disgusting and degrading and I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been told to kill myself from idiots like you. I’ll give respect when I get it. It must be pretty painful to go through life with no sense of humor or concept of sarcasm.

8. I’m glad you answer all those questions on TFM. I can tell by the answers that you’re the type of whore frat guys slip a Xanax and then gang rape. I know you won’t be offended by this statement because you willingly took an internship at TFM. I hope you find your millionaire husband and he impregnates you and secretly has you sign a prenuptial agreement. Much love egotistical cum dumpster.

Ah, another lovely gentleman. These are the types of emails I receive daily (this isn’t even the worst one). I’ll never understand why it’s okay for you all to rip me to shreds, but when I do it back it’s off limits. Overall, I definitely receive more positive feedback than negative. But like any normal human, the negative is what sticks out the most in your mind. Probably not in my best interest to show any kind of weakness to you readers, but like I said, this week’s article is different to show you all I’m a real person. I can take a joke, but it’s questions like these that often make me respond to some of you the way I do. If everyone wants to give the smooth talker some love and show him what it’s like to receive emails like these, be my guest!

9. While reading Friday’s article, me and my friends noticed question 3 and were wondering what you actually gained from that and why that was necessary. Some of us are journalism/communication majors and understand how difficult it can be to write with everyone getting so easily offended these days but we all agree that situation was just wrong. Yes she came off as weird and obsessive but there had to have been a nicer way to say what you said. We get it. She’s not a baby and shouldn’t be treated as such but I think everyone can agree that being told to be anyone but yourself by an Internet persona when you’re told that everyday from high school peer pressure would have to be heart breaking. There is a time and a place for making fun of high schoolers and that place was your high school cafeteria five years ago, not the an Internet site that generates thousands of views at the age of 20. If you’re ever wondering why so many people out there assume you’re a bitch, this is why.

I received a lot of hate on my answer to one of last week’s questions from a high schooler preparing for sorority recruitment. I have since deleted her question and my response because it was taken so seriously. I wanted to take this time to address that I had emailed this girl separately and gave her real advice and also let her know my answer on the article was completely sarcastic and not to be taken seriously.

10. It seems like you’re pretty harsh to a lot of people, so is that the point of it or is that just you?

Kind of similar to question one, but I threw it in to expand. After the first few weeks of “Ask Intern Sydney” I received a lot of feedback. The most positive feedback had to do with the questions I answered in a sarcastic manner rather than serious. But I’m now in a dilemma. When I answered questions seriously, I heard that I was “too boring.” Now when I answer questions sarcastically, some of you say I’m “too bitchy” and receive death threats. At this point, if you’ve read my articles and send in questions, you usually know what kind of answers to expect in return.

11. Sydney, your sense of humor is on Katie Nolan’s level… Anyway, Is being funny or respectful a better trait to have to attract women?

I think you can be both funny and respectful. Maybe not simultaneously (who doesn’t love a disrespectful joke?), but overall it’s definitely something that’s possible.

12. Either nobody asked you last week or you forgot to put it in but never the less; wheres Fail Friday?

Thanks for reminding me. I’m not in charge of Fail Friday.

Send me your own questions to or @woysydney on Twitter.

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Mac and cheese enthusiast. First runner-up for most humorous in high school. D-list celebrity. Professional social media stalker.

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