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Apple’s New Emojis Are Set To Change The World

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Apple Emojis

Praise be to Apple, overlords of outsourcing and technology, for doing something other brands don’t have the stones for. This week, the titans of justice (and narcissism) singlehandedly solved all the world’s problems by switching up the emojis available on their devices. Thanks to the anti-right (click) folks at Apple, instead of a deadly, sentient handgun defacing their lineup of emojis, we’re being gifted a harmless water gun.

From CNN Money:

The gun swap is just one of a number of emoji changes the company announced on Monday. It will also introduce new and revamped emojis that show women doing stereotypically male jobs like detective, construction worker, and police officer. There are new female athletes, a pride flag, and family options for single parents.

The water gun swap is not Apple’s (AAPL, Tech30) first foray into cartoon gun control. Earlier this year the governing body in charge of emojis nixed a proposed rifle emoji. It was one of a number of possible new additions, but Unicode Consortium members Apple and Microsoft argued against the Olympics-inspired gun, according to Buzzfeed.

Last year, an organization called New Yorkers Against Gun Violence started a campaign to get Apple to replace its version of the pistol emoji. It launched a site,, and sent an open letter to remove the firearm emoji “as a symbolic gesture to limit gun accessibility.”

“Apple has stood up to the bullying tactics of the NRA and gun industry by showing that there are many more life-affirming ways to express oneself than with a gun,” said Leah Barrett, NYAGV’s Executive Director on Monday.”

Thank you so much, Ms. Barrett, for telling people how they can express themselves. Everyone knows that people who might be inclined to actual violence love being told what to do. You sure are showing those “bullies” at the NRA by limiting their freedom of expression while, in turn, voicing your opinion so loudly that people need to cover their ears. That’s in no way the definition of bullying, because it’s for your agenda, god damn it!

Glossing over the non-issues of female athletes (chicks surf, too), pride flags (go be gay if you’re gay, dude) and single parents (don’t like it? Don’t bang a deadbeat), the fact that Apple has the nuts to act like champions of free speech while handing us all water guns to play with is some grade school bullshit. In my opinion, they should have just swapped everything offensive or potentially dangerous for a walkie talkie emoji and been done with it.

Some folks are honestly going to consider this a win for their side, because sadly it’s a blow for political correctness. When companies will roll over at the behest of an open letter, it’s just ammo… uh… water (I guess?) for the easily frightened types. Stop your stupid demands, and stop giving in to fear. Otherwise, we’ll end up seeing how deep and dark this rabbit hole goes.

[via CNN Money]

Image via YouTube

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Karl Karlson

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in Eastern NC where he spends his time roasting pigs and attempting to grow a beard. Karl enjoys drinking on elevated surfaces and rapping on podcasts.

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