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Angered Blogger Responds To Our High-Waisted Shorts Column, Tells Us To Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts

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And I do mean angry. Here’s a direct quote from her blog entry:

You can hate high-waisted shorts all you want, and that’s fine. The particular tone of an article that was written on though about it completely pissed me off and I felt the need to say something. Just trying to make a point. Sorry if I offend you.

Oh, she mad (and not too strong grammatically).

The article she’s referring to is, of course, SFPL’s “Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Shorts,” which was actually published nine months ago but regained traction during the weekend and has gone viral for the second time. Who knew the topic of high-waisted shorts was such a polarizing one? We’ve received an outpouring of responses, ranging from “Preach!” to “Go play in traffic, you chauvinistic cunt bucket.”

Of course, the possibility exists that she’s simply angry at the seeming objectification of women. Yeah, that’s probably it. Lighten up though, babe. It’s all in good fun. My boy SFPL didn’t mean any harm. Guys have opinions about what looks good on you and, clearly, what doesn’t–just like I’m sure you prefer a well-tailored suit over a T-shirt and jeans, swim trunks over below-the-knee board shorts, or a six-pack over a beer gut. You may not write about your opinions, but they’re still your opinions. You may also despise tank tops, boat shoes, sunglass straps, or even cargo shorts.

You know, cargo shorts–those thousand-pocketed, mile-long ass slayers that we wear literally all the time. Well, this lady thinks we should stop wearing them. She got us fucked up. I wouldn’t trade my cargos for a roll in the hay with Rosie Jones, which is kind of ironic, because I routinely have sexual intercourse with Rosie Jones-caliber women when I’m wearing my cargs.

She even provides a list of reasons why we should stop wearing them:

1) There’s a 80% chance you look like a tool.
2) So. Many. Pockets.
3) The colors that they usually come in are abysmal.
4) They essentially make your thighs disappear.
5) 85% of the time they just look awful. I only know a few guys who are in shape enough or thin enough to wear them. The rest of you shouldn’t because it makes your legs look like sausage casings.
6) It just announces to us females that you have absolutely no fashion taste even before we get the chance to talk to you.

My rebuttal to each point:

1) There’s also an 80% chance we’ll get laid when we put them on.
2) So. Many. Condoms. To. Carry. (For all the sex we’re having.)
3) The colors attract babes, like a peacock flaunting his colorful feather pallet to land peahen babes.
4) They essentially make your panties disappear.
5) Who needs to stay in shape when you’re already fighting off so many babes (on account of the cargos)?
6) It just announces to you females that the length of our shorts is necessary to conceal the impressive length of our lap hammers.

Okay, okay, enough playing around. It is painfully obvious you didn’t waste a single mouse click looking through our website before writing your blog post. You used one page of hundreds of thousands to reach your conclusion. If you had done three minutes of research, you would have figured out rather quickly that cargo shorts are perhaps the number one “anti-frat” identifier on our site. TFM users don’t simply dislike cargo shorts; they regularly compare people who wear them to terrorists, and sometimes even threaten their lives.

Our most popular weekly feature, Fail Friday, is essentially a cargo short bash session.

I’m not sitting here trying to say no one around these parts is deserving of apparel-related admonishment. Just look at the idiots in the photo at the top of this page. They look like a douchebag rainbow. We make fun of them, too, by the way. We rip on everybody, really. It’s a tough crowd around here.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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