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Colts quarterback Andrew Luck made waves in the tech industry as the new (admittedly goofy) face of AT&T’s flip phone resurgence. In a picture the former rookie sensation sent out on Facebook earlier today, Luck thanked the third string telecommunications company for hooking him up with a new phone. In doing so, he’s setting himself down a dark path towards becoming the biggest hipster in professional football.
The combination of his doofus-like face, low-quality neck beard, and that godawful relic of a phone just makes me want to vomit. If you said three years ago that Andrew Luck, highly touted as the next Peyton Manning, would be throwing it back to the Nokia 6131 generation, I’d have thrown some hands your way. This guy seemed like a genuine man’s man at QB who was willing to shake a defender’s hand after a big hit. Now, he’s a fedora away from suggesting a few songs from the Black Veil Brides at the nearest Indiana coffee house.
Luck, who notably majored in fucking architecture at fucking Stanford, is adding himself to the hipster elite with this endorsement. Don’t get me wrong, I’d wear a bullseye t-shirt in a Cincinnati Zoo gorilla exhibit for a check from the folks at AT&T, but I’m not a borderline elite NFL passer with a heart of gold. Capitalism is cool, but just because you look like a slow kid doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
Luck has gone from a stupid-faced boy forged under the lights in Texas to a stupid faced pseudo-man that is willing to embrace the longboarding nerds in California. Get on your boy, Pagano, and stop letting him make the Midwest look like a bunch of retro-obsessed sissies. If you don’t, JJ and the Texans are going to be squashing him like an avocado while he wonders which vest goes best with his jersey..