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An Estimated $1 Billion Worth Of Cocaine Set To Hit American Shores Following Budget Cuts

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Well, this is great news for party indulgers and investment bankers nationwide. An estimated $1 billion more of the white girl is forecast to make its way into the country, and eventually into some of your nostrils, in the coming calendar year.

Affectionately referred to as “Tony” in some inner-circles which I may have been a party to, analysts believe the mass influx of disco powder (38 metric tons of it) will come as a result of automatic spending cuts known as sequestration, which will see a stark reduction of available Coast Guard and Naval forces to police international waters and intercept drug-traffickers hailing from South America.

According to Rear Adm. Charles Michel, the Coast Guard two-star who commands Joint Interagency Task Force-South, the both Navy and Coast Guard fleets designated for controlling nautical drug trade are set to drop to record lows.

“The sequestration cuts in aircraft and ships that are given to me will result in 38 metric tons additional of cocaine [entering the US],” Michel estimated.

For comparison, JIATF-South seized 152 tons in all of 2012, so losing 38 tons would be a 25 percent reduction in seizures. At current street prices, he added, “It’s over a billion dollars in trafficker profits.”

Those missing 38 tons don’t just mean strung-out Americans: “All that’s going to get dumped into Mexico and Central America on the way to the United States,” he added, further destabilizing countries with sky-high murder rates.

The fundamental problem predates the sequester. US Coast Guard and Navy resources dedicated to drug interdiction have been declining for “the last couple of decades,” ever since their “War on Drugs” peak, Michel told reporters at Defense Writers’ Group breakfast. During those decades there’s been progress, especially in Colombia, which produces an estimated up to 97 percent of all cocaine sold in the United States. But the narcotraficantes who survived have become much more sophisticated, advancing from the “go-fast” speedboats of the Miami Vice era, to “semi-submersible” craft barely visible above the surface of the water, to fully submersible submarines. As a result, even before the sequester hit, the rate at which the US and its foreign partners in JIATF-South intercept drug shipments has been on a long-term downward slope.

So pretty much, if you’ve ever wanted to pull a George Jung, now is undoubtedly the time to get in the game.

Anyone have a boat docked in Miami? I know a really great game involving a large bill of American tender and a sorority composite. It’s called “Name Your Sister,” but if you want to play, we’ll have to make a run to Colombia to pick up some other supplies.

[via Breaking Defense]


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Ashley Schaeffer BMW

Ashley Schaeffer was a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move. If you thought he was a woman, he'll take that as a compliment, because he loves women. Wooh.

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