NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now
Columns

An Analysis Of People Sneaking Drugs Into Public Events

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

A little while back, I brought you an in-depth look at the use of substances during music festivals. Today, we’ll be taking a look at another study that focuses in on the drugs people smuggle into events such as movies, concerts, work parties, and cruises.

From Alcohol.org:

Nearly 4 in 5 respondents have sneaked in prohibited drugs or alcohol to a place or event. Of those instances, over 68 percent of men and women acknowledged their prohibited spirit of choice was hard liquor. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, a single shot of gin, vodka, or whiskey is the equivalent to a glass of wine or can of beer.

The only thing this chart does for me is reinforce gender stereotypes. The higher percentage of wine snuck in by women is something that can be confirmed out in the field by observing countless women toting Smart Water bottles filled with Sunset Blush. Things get a lot more interesting with the next graphic.

The biggest surprise here is the lack of disparity between generations. Maybe people of different generations would stop giving each other so much shit if they just realized that we’re all getting wasted at events in pretty much the same way.

The youngest Americans (Gen Zers) surveyed admitted sneaking drugs or alcohol into a friend’s house party or onto school grounds, while older men and women (baby boomers) brought prohibited paraphernalia to work.

Does it count as “sneaking in” drugs or alcohol when the event is a private party at a friend’s house? Also, I think the reason we see the older crowd sneaking stuff into work more frequently is because they are in higher-ranking positions and can afford to be caught slurring words at a company party. It could also be attributed to the fact that they’ve been working for decades and need to be intoxicated to deal with the monotony of their lives.

Look at hard liquor absolutely dominating across the board. I found it interesting that cocaine is so prevalent at the workplace, but I’m a guy who can only handle a shot or two of espresso before I get too jittery to work properly. Here’s an unethical, illegal, and terrible pro tip: do cocaine in the workplace during springtime; that way you can blame your constant sniffling on a pollen allergy.

Sixty-one percent of men admitted to hiding prohibited alcohol underneath a jacket at a place or event, while more than 68 percent put the substance in their pant pocket and nearly 27 percent thought the safest place for their bootleg booze was underneath their shirt. Women had similar opinions on how to get their libations in, and more than 42 percent opted to hide spirits in their pant pocket.

This makes a lot of sense, and… wait a minute. 31.7% of men are sneaking drugs in by putting them in their fucking shirt pocket? The rush I would get from doing that is probably more than what any recreational drug could do for me.

Props to the 73.2% of respondents who didn’t make the total bitch move of having someone else sneak in substances for them. As for the people who did, I’m mostly disappointed 11% had an acquaintance do their dirty work. I bet quite a few of those people are using the word “acquaintance” very loosely, and that “stranger” is a more apt term.

After weeks of careful analysis of the graphics and data above, I’ve concluded that you guys all need Jesus and should chill the fuck out.

If you’d like to see the full study, you can check it out here.

[via Alcohol.org]

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Email this to a friend

WJ Cope

He's the real reason people say "No one likes you when you're 23."

10 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed