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America. Fuck Yeah.

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America is the most badass place in the entire fucking world. We have capitalism and free markets. We don’t go to prison for trying to own property or starting a business. We don’t repress our beautiful women and censor their bodies. We don’t get our hands cut off if we get caught with alcohol. Our freedom of speech is unprecedented and we don’t need to worry about the government sentencing us to death for making fun of silly religious prophets like Muham… he who shall not be named.

People give America a lot of shit these days. Poorly understood words get tossed around too easily. Words like socialist, fascist, militant, or tyrannical. I’m sick of hearing from ignorant fucking tards who think that they know everything about politics in America. You know who I’m talking about… those pompous little shit weevils who jump at any chance they get to take a huge dump in your ear. They believe in something gay that they heard on TV or they parrot what daddy told them and it’s their mission in life to explain why you are stupid for believing otherwise. Fuck those people. They don’t know shit.

America is not just a government. Governments are puppet shows designed to amuse the masses. America is not just a country. Countries are powerless formalities, like the Queen of England. Nationhood became extinct with the rise of monstrous multinational corporations and banks. America is not some sort of complicated philosophy that can only be understood by constitutional lawyers or politicians. America is a very simple idea. America is the dream, embraced collectively by all of its citizens, that we can believe in and talk about whatever the fuck we want. If you don’t like it, then we’ll kick your fucking ass.

Most Americans today take their freedoms for granted. They don’t realize that there are places all around the world where the governments actively censor, arrest, and kill people simply for what they believe in. Some places are ruled by massive assholes that use force and coercion to gang rape the perception of the people. They beat the people to their knees and cram a monstrous ideological cock down their throats. They face fuck liberty until everyone chokes on the spooge of propaganda. The people are forced to swallow the load and smile. Free thinkers and spitters are persecuted or killed. There is no alternative. There is only one reality. Take it like a bitch, or die.

I do not believe in a world where people are forced to suck dick, be it literal or metaphorical. In America, we have the most important freedom of all… The Freedom of Choice. We can choose how to live our lives however we see fit. We can choose what dicks we want to suck or we can choose not to suck any dicks at all. If you don’t like Christianity, fine, go be a douchey liberal Buddhist. You can be gay with the trees all you want and no one is going to come kill you for it.

There are countries all around the world that are so terrified of losing control of the population that they repress the three things that hold the greatest power over mankind: Alcohol, Sex, and God. Alcohol is criminal and women are so repressed that they can’t even be seen in public without being wrapped in burkas. No booze, no bikinis, and no Buddha. That culture sucks balls. I don’t know about you, but I like to get wasted. I also like sluts that love to get wasted and do slutty stuff. Any culture that represses female slutiness is inherently evil and should be destroyed. Of course, I’m sure they believe the same about us. Their reaction to Girls Gone Wild is probably the same as ours when we see a bunch of men in turbans burning an American flag.

I’m not advocating that we should invade these countries. That is fucking stupid, mainly because I don’t want to pay for it. We should bring all of our troops home, build a huge wall around America that is patrolled by Skynet, and let the rest of the world go to hell. We don’t need to be meddling in the affairs of other countries. It only costs taxpayers money that we don’t have and creates more pissed off terrorists. If anything, a few of our nuclear ICBMs should ”malfunction” and fire off in that direction. That way, we could turn the entire region into a parking lot for the largest conceivable Wal-Mart.

Its not about religion or politics, its about freedom. A lot of people have an opinion about freedom, but they are too pussy to do anything about it. America fights for that shit. We protect the citizen’s rights to believe whatever the fuck we want. Fuck countries that don’t accept that as a basic human right. God gave us mouths, fuck anyone who censors that. Our people are free to get shit faced drunk and our women are free to act like sluts. Fuck those shitty repressive countries, fuck their shitty religions, and fuck the slut police. If you disagree with that, then fuck you. Real freedom is the freedom to say “Fuck you, everything you believe in is retarded.”

All of our problems are not abroad, however. Often times, we are our own worst enemy. The American “government” should be as small as possible. There should be no welfare, no universal healthcare, no fucking safety net designed to protect the weak. Our capitalist system works because it provides both the freedom to succeed and also the freedom to fail. Failure is natural, its how mother nature weeds out the stupid gay bullshit. It’s called natural selection, you fucking hippies, read a book… specifically read Darwin: the Origin of Species. That shit is the foundation of the theory of evolution. If society is naturally prosperous enough to provide these services for free, then great. But they shouldn’t tax me for that bullshit. If someone is too weak to figure out how to survive without government aid, then in all honesty… fuck them. This shit is real life, the game is simple: survive or die.

I hate to sound like an asshole, but think about the dinosaurs. Without a doubt, they were the most dominant species of life that had evolved at the time. Then a comet hit the Earth… shit happens… They relied on the sun for survival and they couldn’t adapt, which means they sucked at life. Shitty little rat mammals went underground and we all evolved from that shit. Think about it, without a freak disaster that killed off all the giant reptiles, we wouldn’t exist today. That’s how life works… it’s a dick. Evolution doesn’t give a shit about your problems and it has been around for way longer than humans. One minute you’re chillin, the next minute everything changes and your entire pathetic species is wiped out. It is arrogance of the highest caliber to think that we are somehow better than an ancient process that is billions of years old. We’ve got to let our dinosaurs die. People and institutions that are inferior need to be allowed to die. The freedom to fail is just as important as the freedom to succeed. Capitalism without failure is like Catholicism without altar boys to molest. It just doesn’t work. Capitalism isn’t great, I’ll be the first to say that… but it’s the best we’ve got.

In light of these facts, we’ve got to let inferior organisms fail. That is true freedom… the freedom to suck and die. If we spend tax payer dollars supporting inferior people and institutions, then we are degrading the fitness of our entire species. That is why bailing out big banks is fucking retarded. They fucked up… let them crash and burn. That’s what life is about. It rewards innovation and punishes retardation. The only things my taxpayer money should go towards is providing water that I can drink, water that flushes away my poop, and billions of dollars to make death machines that protect my freedom to say “Fuck You.” All else is simply the deceptions of dinosaurs trying to avoid extinction. America is the future, America is a way of life, and if the American economy fucks up because corporate bankers are greedy assholes, then my American made assault rifle is all I need.

Although American materialism might be a fad that has come of age, freedom is eternal and it will rise again from the ashes, as it always has… It is up to each and every one of us to determine the future of freedom and of America. America has many downfalls, but it’s the best shot at freedom we’ve had since the dawn of civilization. It’s not about puppet politicians and corporate catch phrases… It’s about freedom, goddamnit, and I am not afraid to speak.

If you repressed motherfuckers have a problem with what I believe, then come and get me. This is America and I am free, so you can eat shit. I can say whatever I want and I choose to say Fuck You! Come get me you little bitches. Good luck getting past the border guards that shoot brainwashed assholes like you on sight. Good luck getting through the aircraft carriers that have quarantined your entire shitty country from the rest of the world. Good luck making it past the TSA, who have wet dreams about tearing open terrorist sphincters like yours and playing hopscotch inside. And if you make it past all those insurmountable protections of freedom, then you can find me in my house, waiting for you with a glass full of whiskey and a bullet with your name on it.

America. Fuck Yeah.

Follow me on Twitter @RageTheory

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RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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