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America Flexes Star Spangled Nuts With Largest Destroyer Ever Built

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Monday marked the day of launch for the largest destroyer in human history. The USS Zumwalt departed from shipbuilder Bath Iron Works, with more than 200 drooling onlookers watching as tug boats guided the 600-foot armored dick through the Kennebec River, past Fort Popham, before finally reaching open ocean for sea trials.

The ship is undergoing tests carried out by Bath Iron Works before eventually being delivered to the Navy in 2016.

The skipper, fittingly named James Kirk, had an uncontrollable war boner when asked about the ship.

From the Associated Press:

“We are absolutely fired up to see Zumwalt get underway. For the crew and all those involved in designing, building, and readying this fantastic ship, this is a huge milestone.”

This massive floating “fuck you” to the enemies of freedom and democracy does come with a hefty price tag, however. Bath Iron Works is rolling out each of its three Zumwalt-class warships with a gnarly $4.4 billion price tag. In comparison, an Air Force F-35A jet costs around $150 million.

But that $4.4 billion isn’t just for the futuristic design. The ship is able to operate with much fewer crew than smaller warships, thanks to increased automation. New weapons systems, radar, and an electric propulsion system all help round out this destroyer. The sharp, angled design is to reduce radar signature.

Watch a time-lapse of the construction of this massive floating phallic symbol for the most American erection you will ever experience.

[via Associated Press]

Image via YouTube

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Corn-fed, southern-bred swamp donkey. Known to go full retard without warning.

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