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America Bombs ISIS Flag On Kobane Hill, Because Symbolic Victories Are Important

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Nobody likes ISIS. Even Satan would be like, “Fuck those assholes with a dildo coated in Black Death spores.” When ISIS tried to plant its flag on a hill just outside Kobane, the American military did what it does best: responded with excessive but entirely justified force. Kobane is not really a strategic target in general. It’s one big fight for morale between the established countries and the asshole religious extremists of ISIS. The best way to make ISIS lose the war is to beat its morale so far into the ground that you’d need a bunker buster just to get it out.

So, seeing ISIS plant its little black flag on the hill like some kind of ugly pimple on the face of the Syrian desert, the Air Force decided to rain down righteous fury in the form of a multimillion dollar missile. Sure, it only killed a few guys and burned up a flag, but the symbolic statement was that you don’t fuck with America and the things America defends. Suck our multimillion dollar explosive death cocks, ISIS. While the president may not be committed to following you to the gates of hell, the American military is more than happy to oblige.

[via Business Insider]

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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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