Alcohol Has Just Been Banned At All University Of Montana Greek-Affiliated Events

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The 21st amendment to the Constitution ensures every American citizen the right to get drunk. Not exactly, but kind of. Either way, it’s still every American citizen’s God-given right to drink alcohol. It is called Greek life, not American life, though, and it is presumably this loophole that the University of Montana is using when they decided that they had the power to not allow members of their Greek community to drink alcohol at any chapter-affiliated events until further notice.

Here’s the letter sent out by Caitlin Parker, University of Montana’s interim assistant director for fraternity and sorority involvement, to the university’s Greek chapter presidents.

From Montana Kaimin:

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This is the absolute most absurd overreaction I have ever seen anybody have to anything ever. “Some of our alumni, who had a great time here, don’t think Greek life is as good as it used to be. Because of this incredibly cliche old dude thing to say, none of you can have a drink with your friends and make memories because we don’t want you to have unrestricted fun like they did, you disgraceful monsters.”

This logic is actually hilarious. It’s like someone who attended the University of Texas back when they were contending for the natty every year going to Charlie Strong today and complaining that the team isn’t good anymore, and Strong responding by not letting the team practice for a month. That analogy isn’t perfect because it’s clear that UT is currently not letting their special teams players practice, but it still highlights the sheer stupidity of this move by Montana.

I legitimately do not understand how Parker thinks splitting the Greek community down the middle by dividing of-age drinkers and underaged non-drinkers is going to make the community stronger (though I don’t think “non-drinkers” should be said in this case without being in quotations). Being in a fraternity is not all about appeasing your university and fraternity alumni, though that is part of it. It’s about Beer Olympics. It’s about completing the ritual with your brothers. It’s about playing baseball in your house’s Great Hall with a hockey stick and a beer can that your boy Blobbo flattened between his monstrous ass cheeks. It’s about the active members, not the alumni — they already had their fun.

[via Montana Kaimin]

Image via YouTube

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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