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It all started when a woman named Emily from the University of Alabama put a man on blast for allegedly buying her a drink, then demanding a refund when he saw her leave hand-in-hand with someone else. But the man may have been attempting to be a good samaritan. He had heard from a friend that Emily had a boyfriend — and this supposed boyfriend was not the one holding her hand.
I think the whole thing is one big misunderstanding. Hear me out.
According to Emily, she met a guy named Kris at a bar in downtown Tuscaloosa. He offered to buy her a drink. She accepted. Then, when Kris saw Emily leaving the bar with someone else, he approached her and demanded a refund for the $5 beverage. Emily claims he tried to put his hands on her, so she threw the rest of the $4 she had left at him. She says she doesn’t care about the money, but wants to expose Kris as a creep for thinking that a free drink means free sex.
Emily outed Kris on the Alabama Student Ticket Exchange Facebook page, where the post blew up.
But there’s something fucky about this story.
Let’s examine this shit show from all angles.
*pulls up chair*
[insert all of the popcorn-eating memes]
First thing’s first. Guys, don’t get pissed at a girl if you buy her a drink and she doesn’t put out. Shouldn’t even have to tell you that. Do I wish we lived in a world where women approached men at bars and bought them drinks? Absolutely. But unless she’s a cougar, that ain’t gonna happen. It sucks, but that’s the way the world works right now. Move on. DO NOT demand a refund. And definitely DO NOT attempt to put your hands on her.
This story doesn’t seem to be that simple, however. Kris soon replied to the post with his side. He says he demanded the refund after learning Emily was dating a different man than the one she was holding hands with.
Ohhh shit. Was Emily tryna get some on the side?
Now, a woman holding hands with another man does not constitute as cheating (though I’ve never had a woman take me by the hand and lead me out of the bar late at night without at least getting to first base). But that’s not what makes me suspicious. What makes me suspicious was her response to the hand-holding allegations. Here’s that response, which she included as an edit to the initial post. She edited the post once more to tell everyone she closed the comments.
Now that’s fishy. Who would see a drunk girl in need of a ride, then tell a man, “Oh we better hold hands to make sure she gets in the car with us.” Doesn’t make sense. UNLESS she was worried the drunk girl would think she was trying to set her up with the man, and therefore decline the ride. By holding hands, she could have been hinting to her, “No, I’m not trying to help this dude have sex with you. He’s mine tonight. I just want to get you in the car and back home safely”
While that may seem like a stretch, there is one critical piece of evidence that proves Emily was NOT planning to cheat: the Wendy’s. No girl wants to have a guy flopping around on top of her after eating all that grease. As evidence, she posted the receipt when her peers demanded it:
A junior bacon cheeseburger, a small fry, a Dr. Pepper, a 4-piece nugget with creamy Sriracha AND a crispy chicken? All for $5.44!? First, God Bless America. Second, after a hearty meal like that, they’d be way too bloated to fuck. Both of them would be farting all over each other. She’s innocent, I tell ya.
Now let’s talk about Kris. Based on the information he was given and what he saw, it was reasonable for him to assume she was a cheater. Does that justify his actions? I’d say it justifies demanding a refund. As for the attempt to put his hands on her? That’s never okay, but I’ll give Kris the benefit of the doubt. He was probably just trying to grab the bills.
In conclusion, this whole thing appears to be a simple misunderstanding. Unless we see some security cam footage of Kris very clearly attempting to assault her, I say let the kids be.
Homegirl called it:
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