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According To Research, California HATES Condoms

california hates condoms

Well. Well. Well.

To quote the only 2pac song you listened to even though you pretend you’ve heard them all, “California knows how to party.” According to recent research, STDs are at an all-time high in Cali. And as a native Californian, I couldn’t be prouder. Okay, that’s a lie; I’m not a native. I moved to LA from the East Coast 2 years ago, but now I pretend I’ve lived here my whole life. Ironically, that’s also what 2pac did. I don’t know why I keep dissing Pac in this article; I promise I’m a huge fan.

On Tuesday, the California Department of Public Health released new statistics that reveal there were over 250,000 STD cases reported last year, reportedly a 40% increase from 2011’s numbers. California Department of Public Health Director/State Public Health Officer (Jesus CHRIST that is a long job title) Dr. Karen Smith had this to say:

From KCRA:

“The number of reported STDs in California is increasing at a concerning rate… This is the third year in a row that we have seen increases in chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis.”

Uh oh.

California is a weird place. It’s amazing here, but for some reason we don’t care about our lives. We think we do, but we don’t. Californians eat strict vegan diets, exercise every day, and avoid gluten (whatever that is) to stay healthy, but they also drink like lunatics and snort mountains of cocaine.

I guess that explains why Californians apparently refuse to wrap it up. We’re a bunch of superficial, stubborn bastards. Everyone here is an aspiring actor who gets plastic surgery and does sit-ups until they have 12 pack abs, but I guess they don’t care if their junk looks like a cheese pizza solely because they think condoms are “a bad look.” Sad.

Part of me wants to embrace it. ONLY 250,000? Let’s bump it up. Those are rookie numbers. But at the end of the day? Wrap it up, LA. Just because your favorite actor probably has herpes doesn’t mean you should follow in their footsteps.

[via KCRA]

Image via Shutterstock

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Wally Bryton

TFM's most beloved writer

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