NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now

A Timeline Of The Night Before My Last Final

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

5:00 PM Text 3 different adderall dealers to ensure productivity. Unwrap recently purchased textbook and beer.

5:03 PM Close textbook and admit temporary defeat. Chug beer and head to study room.

5:05-5:30 PM Get distracted en route to study room, play quick game of Madden. Lose by 25 to the Dolphins.

5:30-5:35 PM Scan test bank, realize there is never anything useful in there. Thumb through old C+ essays by retarded brothers from 1986.

5:36 PM Response text from Brain Steroid Dealer #1. Just sold his last few. Odds of a successful night of studying becoming slim.

5:37-6:00 PM Chicken Parmesan night for dinner at fraternity house. All other priorities take back seat.

6:00-6:15 PM Fruitless lap around fraternity house searching for old notes. Come back to room and lay down for “just a second.”

6:15-10:00 PM Greatest nap of my life.

10:01 PM Check phone, 2 unread messages. No adderall to be found. Begin realizing imminent disaster.

10:02-10:10 PM Only 10 hours to test time. Grab textbook in drowsy daze and head to library.

10:10-10:30 PM Arrive at library, realize I grabbed the wrong textbook. Retrace steps and grab the correct one.

10:31-10:45 PM Find a 20mg addy stashed in drawer of desk. Rejoice the gods of prescription drug abuse. Pop pill, and sit around to wait for it to kick in.

10:45 PM Notice that room is looking a little dirty.

10:46-11:30 PM Clean every surface of room.

11:31-11:45 PM Rearranging all shirts in closet by color.

11:46 PM Realize I’m not sure what chapters are on the test. Grab laptop to look up syllabus.

11:47-12:19 AM Stumbleupon.

12:20-12:35 AM Casual masturbation session.

12:36-12:45 AM Realize how close test is. Grab correct textbook and head to library for the second attempt.

12:46-1:30 AM Searching for a seat. Eventually locate one in eerily dark corner on fourth floor.

1:31-1:45 AM Attempting to figure out most comfortable way to sit in mental hospital-esque library chairs. Make absolutely no progress.

1:46 AM Open textbook to first chapter on exam. Grab highlighter and begin to read.

1:47 AM Last remaining lightbulb in sketchy corner goes dead. Seat now effectively useless.

1:48-1:55 AM Searching for a seat with acceptable lighting conditions. Find one at large table with fraternity brothers.

1:56-2:20 AM Listen to brother’s elaborate story about weekend antics. Get angry looks from nearby Asians after laughter.

2:21-2:30 AM Scan Pandora stations for perfect study playlist. Alternate between Young Jeezy and Alabama Radio several times before deciding.

2:31-3:15 AM Highlighting random passages in textbook.

3:15-3:30 AM Re-read highlighted text, realize that marking the phrase “For most businesses” in chapter 17 was unnecessary.

3:30-3:45 AM Actual, legitimate, focused studying.

3:45-4:00 AM Stare at open page of textbook.

4:01 AM Notice how very few of the people left in the library are speaking English. Become uncomfortable.

4:02-4:15 AM Admit defeat, return home.

4:16-4:18 AM Lay down in bed with textbook, start reading.

4:18-7:50 AM Pass the fuck out. Wake up to cellphone alarm and make it to test just in time.

8:00-9:30 AM Take exam. Struggle.

9:31-9:45 AM Exit exam room, return home and shotgun beer to celebrate.

9:46 AM Check test answers online. 72. C’s get degrees baby.

Email this to a friend


StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

90 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed