Current Events

A Soulless Movie Buff Stole All the DVDs From the Cancer Ward at a Children’s Hospital in Texas (UPDATE)

In other news, candy theft from babies has risen over 400%. Meanwhile, roving bicycle gangs of neglected teens have begun roaming the streets, knocking fresh ice cream cones out of the hands of excited toddlers. Excuse me while I go downstairs, steal all the lollipops from the pediatrician’s office on the first floor, and replace them with MORE TETANUS SHOTS!

Jesus Christ. Stealing from cancer kids? Really? Who needs a copy of Cars 2 that badly? I mean, that movie doesn’t even make sense. A world of cars? But they live in people buildings? WHAT!?! Is it some post-apocalyptic world in which people have gone extinct from nuclear war and the radiation has made cars sentient? Like Planet of the Apes? But with cars? I DON’T GET IT! It’s ludicrous. A movie like that certainly isn’t worth ruining the day of some small child with leukemia. Also not worth ruining the day of some small child with leukemia? PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.

Luckily you can help the Layla Grace Children’s Cancer Research Foundation out by donating DVDs to replenish their collection. Here’s how:

Might make a nice little philanthropy project for September, especially for chapters from Texas schools. C’mon TFM’ers, we’re supposed to be good at philanthropy, remember? That’s pretty much the only excuse we have to shotgun Natty Lights and chug grain alcohol until our stupid, dumb consciences shut up long enough to let us do sex with people we could give a shit about and light furniture on fire, or whatever. Plus we’re just nice people, sort of.

Anyway, I highly recommend donating today. I’m going out to Best Buy tonight, buying The Sandlot, and giving those kids a legit movie to watch. Because fuck Cars. Is The Sandlot G Rated? I don’t care. They need it.

On a side note, I couldn’t help but be reminded of this when I read this story.

Please share this story to get others to donate as well.

***UPDATE***

Aaaaaand it was all a lie, er, well a rumor. One that shot across the internet at the speed of a fake Bill Cosby death. Just got this linked in a tweet from @TexasChildrens

So, yeah. Maybe go return that copy of Batteries Not Included (just kidding, if you bought that you’re an asshole). I’m not sure what to do now though. I guess I hope that the next girl I bring home likes hooking up with The Brave Little Toaster playing in the background. Actually, I hope she does, that’s a keeper right there.

[via The Superficial]

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