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A Sexual Guide to Slutty Halloween Costumes

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Nurse– Eager to give you an impromptu physical exam, just watch out if she asks to “take your temperature.” It might not be an oral thermometer.

Referee– Pray that she isn’t a replacement ref or she might try to jerk off your nipple.

Maid– Cleanliness is next to horniness. Probably not wearing underwear, bathroom quickie is a possibility. If you’re lucky, she’ll clean your room the next morning.

Playboy Bunny– Doesn’t know how to say “I really want to get fucked tonight” in any original way; tittyfuck potential is high.

Cheerleader– “We’ve got spirit, yes we do!” Let her show it by blowing you.

Schoolgirl– Isn’t afraid of a little corporal punishment. The shorter her skirt, the lower her morals.

Witch– Likely to put the real-world equivalent of a permanent magic curse on you (herpes).

Avatar– If you’ve got a smurf fetish, this girl is all yours. Just be cautious of her putting her living ponytail somewhere it doesn’t belong.

Hooter’s Girl– She probably worked at Hooter’s at some point in her life, therefore she has absolutely no shame.

Pirate– Undoubtedly will surrender the booty, just make sure that hook on her hand isn’t covering up a stump of a wrist.

Catwoman– In great shape, because fat people can’t pull off latex bodysuits. Downside: will take you 45 minutes of frustration to get her naked.

Dorothy– Make her keep the red slippers on, downside is she has a real thing for Asian guys (loves to follow the yellow brick road).

Marilyn Monroe– If you’re dressed as any US president (except maybe Obama) she’ll be riding on your Commander-in-Chief in no time at all.

Tinkerbelle– Ask her to share a line of her magic “fairy dust.” You’ll feel like you’re flying in no time.

Sailor– Pink lips at night, frat boy’s delight. Red stains in the morning, frat boy’s warning.

Police Officer– Pros: she has handcuffs. Cons: she also has the key to said handcuffs.

Angel– This girl is an absolutely wild semen-siphoner who lives in denial of her sexually deviant ways.

Gymnast– Flexible. Enough said.

Pocahontas– Would be more than happy to let you paint her chest with all the colors of the wind.

Devil– Has committed every sin in the book, and has no problem going out for a few repeat offenses.

Football Player– Just make sure she isn’t in the “red zone.”

Bumble Bee– Ironically, she’s the one who wants to get stung.

Bottle of Liquor– Spends about 35 seconds per night sober on average. Will blow you for a shot of Burnett’s.

101 Dalmations– Usually in a large matching group. If you pull off a 102-some, you will become a god.

Librarian– Wear a condom, or you might be dealing with the ultimate late fee.

White Trash– Fuck it, it’s the only day of the year when fucking a white trash girl will make you feel good about yourself.

Spice Girl– Just tell her what you want, what you really really want.

Flight Attendant– She’s more than happy to hop on board your 747, don’t forget the complimentary nuts.

Army Girl– Servicing your genitals, and serving your country. What could be better?

Risky Business– Didn’t even bother to wear pants. Clearly is looking for that old time rock and roll (the kind of sex that just soothes the soul).

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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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