I don’t think many things, wildlife-wise, faze Australians. They’ve seen unimaginable things. If you told me, right now, that in Australia they discovered a hotdog sized and shaped spider that crawls up human rectums, lays its eggs, and then a week later the babies eat their way out of your insides, I’d believe it without a shred of evidence being presented to me. Things just aren’t right on that continent. It’s like half of what lived in hell crawled out of a volcano to hang out there, and before they could get back home the thing closed up and they were stranded. Everything you saw in “The Mist” is based on Australia.
And if I ever found myself on that godforsaken continent, and I saw a full grown python strangling the life out of an adorable mammal the size of a dog, and then swallowing its broken body in the middle of a fairway a hundred yards in front of me, I’d break down in tears and call 000 demanding an airstrike.
Australians though, like I said, really just don’t give a shit.
The incident happened on the 17th fairway at Paradise Palms Golf Course in Cairns at the weekend.
The scrub python, Australia’s longest snake, often ambushes prey by hiding in trees or long grass.
A course manager said the display did not deter golfers from finishing their rounds.
Robert Willemse, a club member for almost 10 years, said the snake was spotted wrapped around the marsupial in the middle of the fairway.
“Everybody was pretty surprised. It’s quite an unusual thing to see,” he told the BBC.
“I was only there for about five minutes, but I heard that the snake did manage to swallow the wallaby and rolled into a dry creek.”
Oh you were only there for five minutes? Because a giant python swallowing an adorable wallaby wasn’t shit to you and you just kept on playing? It’s insane how casual this guy is about this.
“Then on 18 we saw a couple eagles fly into a giant spider’s web between two power lines. Those buggers got wrapped up and sucked dry before I two putted my way into the clubhouse. And in the parking lot a group of cow-sized lizards were eating house cats. Pretty neat little Australian day.”
Evacuate everyone and nuke the site from orbit..