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What a night. The Philadelphia Eagles, led by the now immortalized Big Dick Nick, found a way to knock off the Patriots and take home their first ever Lombardi Trophy. You’re a lunatic if you weren’t pulling for the Birds in this game. I mean, there was virtually no reason not to. I say virtually because getting an opportunity to judge the shit out of Tom Brady for passionately kissing his definitely too old son like a big, dumb weirdo in the postgame celly was something I was slightly looking forward to, but I digress.

As Philly fans quickly flooded the streets to riot, I (and about 50,000 other people) had the bright idea to hop on the police scanner and tune into the action. Unlike the others, however, I — having been too sick from housing plates of nachos and whole pizzas to ever wander to sleep — stayed on for hours and recorded the happenings. Here is a play-by-play look at the hours following the Super Bowl in the City of Brotherly Love.

From Philadelphia Citywide Police Scanner:

11:04 p.m. – We’ve got a large crowd climbing the fence at City Hall.

11:09 p.m. – North Locust, you’ve got guys swinging on the lightpoles.

11:10 p.m. – Drone is flying over Broad Street between Spruce and Pine; trying to get a visual.

11:11 p.m. – They’re on top of trash trucks. There should be no one on top of trash trucks.

11:15 p.m. – Frankford and Teesdale, man is in custody for having two weapons on him.

11:16 p.m. – People are on the ledges at The Palm Restaurant; ask the supervisor to get them down.

11:18 p.m. – 2100 South Broad, there is a large fight in front of the bank.

11:20 p.m. – They’re climbing the trash trucks on 13th and Market.

11:22 p.m. – Frankford Ave., there are two males jumping up and down on a tractor trailer.

11:24 p.m. – Somebody lit a Christmas tree on fire in the middle of Broad street.

11:25 p.m. – A Man is bleeding from the head, location not specified.

11:26 p.m. – 1400 Walnut, a car has been flipped over in front of the hotel.

11:27 p.m. – Support is still needed at Frankford and Teesdale.

11:27 p.m. – They’re still climbing the gates at City Hall.

11:29 p.m. – 1400 Walnut is a “serious problem” (unspecified). Rapid Response Team is dispatched to handle it.

11:31 p.m. – The fire on Broad Street has been put out.

11:32 p.m. – There are several people climbing traffic lights on Broad Street.

11:37 p.m. – Someone climbing a light pole is seriously injured, rescue called.

11:40 p.m. – They’re tearing light poles down on the Southeast side.

11:40 p.m. – Broad and Arch, they have the light pole totally torn down.

11:42 p.m. – Broad and Locust, they’re climbing up the fire escape onto the roof of the building.

11:43 p.m. – Broad and Arch, there is a man unconscious after jumping off of a light pole.

11:45 p.m. – Juniper and Market live wires from downed light pole.

11:49 p.m. – Broad and Arch, kids are setting off fireworks and throwing bottles. State Police have been called.

11:52 p.m. – Frankford and St. Vincent, large crowd is forming. They are throwing bottles while chanting “Free Meek Mill.”

11:57 p.m. – Broad and Chestnut, people are climbing light poles and tampering with traffic cameras.

12:02 a.m. – 3400 Ryan, a man runs over trooper while driving a quad. Trooper appears to be okay.

12:05 a.m. – Broad and Chestnut, units with shields are being requested.

12:11 a.m. – Juniper and Market, all lights, all signs, everything is torn down!

12:12 a.m. – Broad and Market, they’re destroying everything! They’re throwing bottles at the cops. Might wanna get the SWAT team over there.

12:23 a.m. – 14th and Market, I’ve got some idiots jumping on top of the fire truck now.

12:42 a.m. – Southwest corner crowd is getting out of control. Backup requested.

12:46 a.m. – Mayfair Diner is starting to have a problem in their parking lot (problem not specified)

12:48 a.m. – Broad Street, there is a lot of resistance. People are still throwing bottles.

12:51 a.m. – Walnut, units have put on helmets and made the decision to forcefully drive crowd out.

12:52 a.m. – Walnut, a loud explosion is heard.

12:53 a.m. – 22nd and Walnut, a traffic pole is thrown through the window of a business.

12:57 a.m. – Juniper and Market, every single street light has been torn down.

12:59 a.m. – Heavy traffic is moving south on Broad Street.

1:01 a.m. – There is damage to the Macy’s on East Market, two windows are broken.

1:01 a.m. – Car is going northbound in the southbound lane on Highway 1.

1:02 a.m. – 16th and Market, 10 people are on top of a bus.

1:10 a.m. – It looks like several people are trying to climb the gates on south side of City Hall.

1:14 a.m. – South side of City Hall, three males are on light poles, one male is on top of building.

1:16 a.m. – South City Hall is under control, however South Broad Street at South Penn Square has several thousand in the street.

1:17 a.m. – South Penn Square, shields are needed. They’re starting to throw stuff at us.

1:26 a.m. – Wellington and Montague, extremely intoxicated male passed out on the street.

1:27 a.m. – Broad and Chestnut, a brick was just thrown through the window of a business.

1:35 a.m. – There is still a large crowd surrounding the Ritz-Carlton.

1:58 a.m. – Sansom and 18th, they’re starting to break windows here.

2:00 a.m. – 16th and market, people are rocking and trying to flip over cars.

2:09 a.m. – A crowd is forming at 15th and Walnut, State Police are called for backup.

3:00 a.m. – Things have started to slow down; crowds are under control..

Image via Wikimedia Commons

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Dent

Dent is a washed up former athlete who swears he's totally over his ex-girlfriend. One of these days he'll get around to applying to a real job, but until then he'll keep pumping out lackluster articles while downing copious amounts of Natty Light.

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