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A Message from your House Dad

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Listen guys, I was in the fraternity once. I get it. Punching holes through drywall is hilarious. All I’m saying is, could you at least try to keep it down once we hit 5:00 AM?

I’ve only been here a week, and I’ve learned how to deal with a lot of things. I’ve accepted the fact that most mornings I’m going to find a trail of shattered glass and blood in the hallways. I didn’t mind when you turned our staircase into a slip-n-slide. I ignored the freshman girl puking on our deck. I’m doing my best to look past all of that.

But come on guys, at least make a little bit of an effort. You didn’t have to punch a hole through my door to get that master key, you could have just knocked. I know you think getting into a fight with our neighbors is a good idea, but who do you think has to deal with the consequences? Me.

I already lie about you guys on a regular basis. If it wasn’t for me, your board of governors would have an aneurysm over the shit I’ve seen you do. Maybe lighting a fire in the courtyard isn’t the worst idea in the world, but when you start it with a gallon of gas in a milk jug, how can you expect me to not be concerned? I know that girl’s feet were only on fire for a second, and I’m happy for that, but seriously come on.

Help me help you. I’m all for raging, and once I get done with all this reading for grad school I’ll probably be right there with you taking keg stands. Let’s just keep it (relatively) within the confines of the law. For now.

Oh and one more thing, if you’re going to smoke weed in the house at least have some courtesy. I know it’s a great night-cap after a night of drinking or whatever, but you could at least have some decency about it. I bust my ass to cover up for you guys, the least you could do is give me a hit. I’m just saying.

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