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NBD But A Monster Cobra Is On The Loose In Texas Trying To Take Motherfuckers OUT

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Don’t freak out or anything, Texas residents, but a 10-foot King Cobra has escaped its enclosure in Fort Bend County and it is presumably looking to kill as many human beings as it possibly can before being caught. Just biting through as much human flesh and sending as much deadly venom coursing through human veins as it can.

Tearing through the streets picking off people left and right, children first. One minute you’re hooping at the playground with your boys and the next you’re snake food. I’ve seen it a hundred times.

I don’t know the best way to find and corral a deadly animal like this but I think the most sensical move is to set the entire country on fire? Can you even do that? Leave nothing left. No living creatures.

I mean obviously you warn the people who live there so they have time to grab their important belongings and escape, so maybe you give them like three minutes of notice. Then you just burn it all down, right?

How you gonna sit there and make jokes while people are dying in the streets?

[via ABC 13]

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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