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“I sure would like a prostitute, but I don’t have any money,” Anthony thought. “I suppose I need to get some money then, but that will likely take time, and I’d like to be doing intercourse with a prostitute now, or sooner rather than later at least.”
Anthony’s dilemma (wanting to have prostitute perform various sex acts on his penis but not having the means to afford her service(s) at present) was clear cut enough, but offered no easy solution. No timely one, anyhow. But Anthony was determined to find a solution that would expedite the process of putting his penis into all manner prostitute holes.
“What would Mr. Jenkins tell me?”
Anthony remembered back to his Algebra teacher, Mr. Jenkins. Anthony liked math, but often needed help with the equations. Many days he would stay after school and ask Mr. Jenkins for extra help on his work. Mr. Jenkins was great at simplifying everything for Anthony in a way that helped him to not only understand all the little facets of the equation, but also to take a step back and understand the equation as a whole. What it was, where it started, and where it was trying to go.
“Think like Mr. Jenkins. Think like Mr. Jenkins and you’ll be having sex with prostitutes in no time, Anthony,” he reassured himself.
Anthony began pacing and working out the problem, muttering all the variables to himself.
“I want to have sex with a prostitute… but I don’t have any money… but I really, really want a prostitute to make my penis cum right now… but getting money might take a long time…”
Anthony continued to pace and weigh every part of this equation. And then, he stopped.
“Eureka! I can get a prostitute to make my penis cum by threatening her!” Anthony excitedly declared.
Anthony raced over to his computer and hurriedly typed “Craigslist” into his browser. Mr. Jenkins would have been proud, Anthony thought.
Anyway, that’s how I like to think this kid decided to pose as an FBI agent to blackmail prostitutes into sleeping with him in exchange for not going to jail. There’s no way of knowing for sure, but as a general life rule I choose to fill the void created by an absence of truth with whatever explanation entertains me the most.
What we do know for sure, however, is that Anthony’s little hooker blackmail ruse didn’t end up working out so well. Crazy.
From the Tulsa World:
Officers with the Tulsa Police Department’s Vice Unit were contacted about 5 p.m. by 18-year-old Anthony Maurice Harris, who was under the impression that he was contacting a prostitute on a website, police said in a news release.
Harris stated in messages that he was an FBI agent who had recently been assigned to the Tulsa area, police said.
“If you don’t want to go to jail, we will have to do some negotiating,” police said Harris stated in a message. Harris then listed numerous sexual acts that the woman would have to perform in exchange for his not putting her in jail, police said.
Harris was directed to go to a hotel in the area of 81st Street and Mingo Road, where he was told the prostitute would meet him, police said.
Harris was arrested in the hotel’s parking lot. He was booked into the Tulsa Jail on complaints of impersonating an officer, engaging in prostitution and possessing drug paraphernalia, according to jail records.
You know what makes the least sense in this story? It’s not posing as an FBI agent or going to Craigslist to find a hooker. It’s that some kid decided he’d rather pay to have sex with older and, almost certainly, extremely busted Tulsa Craigslist hookers than hook up with the normal girls at his school that haven’t been brutally eroded by life.
What are you thinking, kid?.
[via The Tulsa World]