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A Grounder Drilled Juan Uribe So Hard In The Dick That His Spank Bank Foreclosed

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I will never understand why some baseball players don’t wear a cup. You’ve got a thick piece of rubber and cowhide hurling towards you at 100 mph off the bat, and with the hops a speeding grounder takes, a baseball is basically a nard-seeking missile. They even teach you to field a baseball dick first.


“Now remember kids, always put your junk in the direct path of the ball, that way you can slap it down with your penis if it gets past your glove.”

I understand why outfielders don’t strap up. They’ve got plenty of time to react and a cup would slow them down while racing to fill the gaps. But if you’re an infielder, you’re just asking to get racked. Your luck will run out eventually.

Unfortunately, that day of reckoning came for Cleveland Indians third baseman Juan Uribe. The dude caught a screamer to the groin during Sunday’s game against the Los Angeles Angels. Notice the crowd’s reaction to the replay on the jumbo screen.

I’m not able to embed the video so watch it HERE.

At first, it looks like he might finish the throw. He’s in that phase where you get hit but you’re still in shock. But that phase lasts about two seconds. The pain quickly surged from his scrote to his abdomen to the tips of his toes and fingertips. Then his body seized up and he collapsed.

Uribe had to be carted off the field. Officials say he suffered a testicular contusion.

To summarize, always wear a jockstrap if your day job involves speeding, junk-sized projectiles. I think all of us will hold our boys a little closer today.

h/t Deadspin

Image via Shutterstock

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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