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A Girl’s Hotness Is All About Your School’s Ratio

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The girls are always hotter on the other side… Or something like that. When you’re back in your hometown swapping war stories with your buddies, you’ll each claim that you were taking home 8s, 9s, and 10s every weekend, but a 9 at your engineering school might only pass for a 7 at the estrogen-filled liberal arts college that your friend attends. The fact of the matter is this: How hot a girl is depends on her school. Each environment has different factors that affect her overall rating, and through extensive experiential research and observation, I’ve found the major factor to be the ratio of girls at a given school.

When there are almost four times as many boobs as dicks (twice as many ladies as gents, for the mathematically or anatomically challenged), the whole college experience becomes a competition between the girls. They know there’s always someone hotter than them, so they are always seeking an advantage. Let’s call this kind of a school Type A. Girls are working harder to look good and wearing fewer clothes, resulting in every theme party becoming a small scale Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. A healthy dose of cover-up and mascara can take any girl from a 6 to an 8, so the amount of effort these ladies are putting in inevitably inflates the overall scale — a 10 at another school would only be an 8 here.

All of this is added onto the simple fact that there are more girls. Statistically, this means more hot girls. As a living, breathing, dick owner, you have to be obscenely ugly or a hermit to not hook up at a school like this. While the scale these girls are rated on is radically inflated, their self-esteem goes down the toilet. Girls are constantly being dumped and ghosted because their one-night-stand is ready to move on to the next hot piece that walks into the party. This causes them to lose their self-confidence and go a little crazy, which, in turn, makes guys even less interested in actually dating them.

At other schools, when numbers are more akin to the real world — two boobs for every dick — a girl’s hotness rating reads more true to scale. Welcome to Type B. There isn’t much going on here that’s particularly interesting since it’s just a scaled-down version of the real world. To get laid on a regular basis, you either need to be the embodiment of Leonardo DiCaprio or just accept where you fall on the scale and seek out slams accordingly: 7s pull 7s, 10s pull 10s. If relationships are more your thing, you’ll have an easier time pursuing that here. There are far fewer psycho girls than at Type A schools. When there isn’t as much for your dick to get excited about, it’s a lot easier for a girl to believe you’re into her and want to only be with her.

Finally, we have the most interesting dynamic, Type C — a boob for every dick. At this school, 7 is the new 10. When girls are rarer than a one-point safety, even the most average among them starts to look like a 9. And when you start to think of her as a 9, she’ll start to act like one, too. What’s really interesting at these schools is seeing the girls’ egos go through the roof. They get swarmed with attention and soon become convinced they are the hottest shit to walk the earth, despite really only being mediocre. For some ladies, this is a great thing. They get the confidence to go out, look hot, and hook up, when they might not have done the same at a Type A or B institution, but it’s a slippery slope from confidence to arrogance. Unlike Types A and B, unless you are a top draft pick, you’re only real chance at regular sex is to wife someone up so you can get it up and get it in. While you might be losing out on the “real” college experience by some standards, you are also getting regular trips to pound town. Who’s really missing out here?

Whether your school is a low-key knockoff of the Playboy mansion or a complete sausage fest, there is always hope for having a bangin’ good time. Know your ratio and work from there.

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Not So Sweetheart

The most rational, reasonable, and riotous girl you'll ever meet.

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