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A Drunk Frat Guy’s Thoughts On Modern Beauty

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Do you know what’s fucked up about the world?

Trick question, everything’s fucked up about the world… but do you know what’s really fucked up?


Don’t take that the wrong way. I love women. Women are all beautiful snowflakes to me, but god damn are they fucked up. It’s not entirely their fault, though. I blame Pavlov.

Insidious market forces have hijacked the self-esteem of women everywhere. Even the sexiest ladies in the world are a little insecure and it’s by design. They are constantly exposed to false perfection from advertising overlords who strive to make them feel as shitty as possible about themselves. Women with shitty self-esteem = profit. It’s the basic business model for the entire porn industry.

Most of you are probably aware that advertising/marketing is the root of all evil, but if you’re not, consider this: In mascara commercials you see on TV, the models are wearing fake eyelashes. It’s literally impossible to make eyelashes look the way they do in the commercials unless you apply mascara onto fake eyelashes. Technically the ads aren’t lying. They’re simply showing you what it looks like to put mascara on fake eyelashes, but still… the damage is subconscious. Millions of women struggle with mascara in the mirror every day, trying to overcome the frustration of an unattainable conception of beauty.

Fuck that.

I don’t know how we let it happen guys, but corporations have poisoned the well. Weasel eyed Mad Men wannabes have hijacked reality and turned it into a fucking circus. Madison Avenue is ground zero for the cultural herpes that infects mass media consciousness. Those advertising cocksuckers spread their filth through whatever medium they can and they’re ruining the self-respect of women everywhere.

Part of me is okay with all of it. Chicks with low self-esteem are easy to sleep with and everyone loves a good slut sandwich every now and then. Unfortunately, the price we pay for plentiful pussy is that all women are fucked in the head as a result.

Models are a perfect example. Just look at pictures of models when photographers ambush them in real life. It’s ridiculous how much different some of those girls look. Not just the hours of make up, but also the airbrush photoshop wizardry that goes into making those images of perfection that inundate our collective cultural experience.

Women look at these computer generated false idols and think it’s actually real, let alone possible. Even though they know it’s all make believe, they still yearn for it subconsciously. They think, “I wish I had her body, or her eyes, or her lips…” and they fail to appreciate their own inherent beauty, which has been devalued by a slew of CGI ad porn.

Their self-image is completely warped by perceptual engineers who bathe in the profits. It completely distorts our culture and it’s one of the reasons that terrorism exists. Marketing is a modern day religion and Satan himself is running the show. His priesthood is comprised of advertising executives who manufacture desire on a massive scale. They mind fuck women into thinking they aren’t good enough, special enough, or sexy enough. They pull the same shit on guys too, but we aren’t as critical in terms of profits. Women are the ultimate cash cow when it comes to sales, especially when you make them believe that they’re cows.

Assuming we don’t blow ourselves up or end our silly society with some stupid computer glitch, take the current marketing climate to its logical conclusion. Think about it. Where is it all going?

Massive scientific and technological breakthroughs are bridging the gap between fantasy and reality. Do you want the perfect face… the perfect tits… the perfect ass?

It’s all becoming possible as long as you have the cash. It’s a little fucked up, but people can easily alter their appearance these days. Plastic surgery is a booming industry and it’s still just child’s play. We haven’t even scratched the surface of genetic engineering yet. All bets are off once we hit that holy grail of image modification.

Underneath the quick fixes and the Hollywood cult, there lies a deep-seated insecurity. The more we become like what we think we desire, the more we play right into the hands of the engineers. The more we try to create ourselves in someone else’s image, the more artificial we become.

At the end of the day — in conclusion — beauty is a man made a concept. It’s a very convoluted and complicated concept that is meticulously maintained by greedy mind rapists. However, even though I completely understand these market forces at work, I can’t look at this picture and not want to bust a nut.


I’m a product of my culture.

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RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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