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The spring break season has come to a close. There is not a soul in sight on the Holiday Inn pool cam. With all of the incredible stories that have emerged from the past two months, there is one story that remains consistent across the board: Spring breakers have lost their damn minds. The combination of testosterone, alcohol, and large breasted coeds puts male college students on a level unseen since the days of the cavemen. They are practically Neanderthals. With this trend comes an unsurprising amount of police encounters.
I have spent the past two weeks attempting to be an investigative journalist. I reached out to all of the major police and sheriff’s departments across the south that are known as large spring break destination areas. Some told me to eat shit. Others were more than helpful. What I received out of those that were pleasant was the numbers associated with the criminal activity of this year’s spring break crowds. There is no way to sum up the absolute insanity associated with such a period of time, so I’ll just give you the numbers.
I received records from five departments: the Panama City Beach Police Department, the Gulf Shores Police Department, the Orange Beach Police Department, the Escambria County Sheriff’s Office, and the Key West Police Department. I attempted to receive the same information from the South Padre Island Police Department and the Baldwin County Sheriff’s Office to no avail. Below are the totals from those five departments between the dates of March 8, 2015 to April 10, 2015.
Note: Not all departments were able to provide arrest/citation numbers for every category. All numbers have been narrowed to the patrol districts populated by spring breakers.
Calls for Service: 27,550
Total Arrests: 1,929
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 457
Disorderly Conduct: 169
Disorderly/Public Intoxication: 72
Public Lewdness/Indecent Exposure: 8
All-in-all, you all managed to keep it in your pants this year. The number of indecent exposure incidents reported is surprisingly low. Overall, however, the numbers prove that the degenerates ran rampant, especially when considering that these numbers are only those from specified patrol districts.
Here’s the breakdown of numbers by department.
Panama City Beach Police
Total Calls for Service: 11,629
Total Arrests: 1,098
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 219
Disorderly Conduct: 140
Disorderly Intoxication: 7
Gulf Shores Police Department
Total Calls for Service: 3,951
Total Arrests: 287
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 80
Public Intoxication: 49
Public Lewdness: 2
Escambria County Sheriff’s Office
Total Calls for Service: 1,353
Total Arrests: 173
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 39
Disorderly Conduct: 25
Disorderly Intoxication: 13
Orange Beach Police Department
Total Calls for Service: N/A
Total Arrests: 150
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 114
Public Intoxication: 3
Open House Party: 3
Key West Police Department
Total Calls for Service: 10,617
Total Arrests: 221
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 4
Disorderly Conduct: 4
Indecent Exposure: 0
PCB, as always, hit it hard. They were the top seed entering today and did not disappoint. Their numbers are astronomical compared to the other departments. The surprise contestant in this group is the Key West Police Department, slapping cuffs on a surprising 221 idiots. The Gulf Shores and Orange Beach Police Departments appeared to live on MIPs while Escambria County attempted to diversify their hooligans’ offenses. If anything, we can practically guarantee that 1,098 solid memories were made.
While the damage could’ve been much worse, I wouldn’t count this year’s spring break as anything short of a raging success..