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800+ Pound Snowball Slams Into College Dorm

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I only know two things about Reed College in Portland, Ore.: they have no Greek life and they are a bunch of hippies. I’m just going to set the scene for you guys here.

You’re hosting a party in your dorm room with some of your buddies you met in your Female Empowerment 103 discussion section. Everyone is enjoying the granola and beetroot tea that you made. They’re laughing at your jokes about Russian foreign affairs, so you could say things are going swimmingly. You’re feeling like a barefoot and smelly Jay Gatsby.

Then the real fun starts. Everyone digs into the gluten-free pot blondies that one of the more adventurous–and accommodating, he knows about your Celiac disease–nerds brought to the shindig. Just as you finish your edible, however, you discover that it was actually a pot-free gluten blondie. You start having explosive diarrhea and vomiting purple at the same time (Author’s note: I do not know the symptoms of Celiac disease) and just as you think the party couldn’t get any worse, the wall of your room gets smashed in by a gigantic fucking snowball.


From the Stamford Advocate:

Two math majors at Reed College lost control of a massive snowball that rolled into a dorm, knocking in part of a bedroom wall … Students started building the giant snowball on a campus quad near the dorm. Urged by a crowd, the math majors tried to make the snowball as big as possible by rolling it down the sidewalk that goes past the dorm.

Ah, peer pressure: making nerds do things to try and appear cool since 1936. (That’s the last year that was a square number. I figured the nerds would appreciate that.)

What surprises me here is that these dweebs are smart enough to understand the various and sundry complexities of mathematics, yet they struggle to grasp how their nerdy little frames would struggle to keep control of an almost half-ton ball of ice. I wouldn’t even be able to do that, and I do the Linsanity workout three times a week–it’s like Insanity, except after a little while, nobody cares about it anymore. Not the most motivating fitness regimen, that’s for sure, but you can’t argue with these results. Explosive gains.

Anyways, the dorks who made the snowball aren’t being punished and reportedly “feel awful about what happened.” NF.

[via Stamford Advocate]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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