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Sometimes you’ll be in a loud, crowded place. A packed, fun-filled location with loud music and alcohol (a party, a club, an Illuminati meeting, etc). Your eyes will venture across the room and you’ll notice a wonderfully attractive woman and you suddenly want nothing more than to be in or around her vaginal area ASAP.
You go up to her and try to strike up a conversation. You to try to be cool and smooth. You grab a leather jacket and some sunglasses so you can look like Elvis, or Andrew Dice Clay, or Elvis Dice Clay. But as you’re conversing with this lovely lady, you’re probably ineffective at picking up vibes from her, meaning you can’t tell if she’s interested in you and your genitalia or not. Well, here are a few pointers to help you out.
She’s looking at her phone too much
It’s not a coincidence, hotshot. She’s more interested in the phone than she is in you. She’s probably tweeting about what an obnoxious fuckboy you are, or she’s texting some cooler dude with a way larger cock than you. Either way, it’s game over, pal.
Her friends are interrupting and/or cockblocking you
They’re butting into the conversation and they’re subtly trying to kick you out of their little gaggle of gals. This also isn’t a coincidence. Her friends can tell that she’s not interested in you and they’re trying to push you away from her so she can enjoy her night without seeing your annoying face. They’re just being good friends.
She’s not making eye contact with you
It means she’s not invested in you in any way. She’d rather stab herself in the eye with a butcher knife then keep talking to you. By the way, if you hate this article, feel free to comment some shit like “Wally, I’d rather stab MYSELF in the eye than read one of your shitty articles!” There ya go, you predictable dumbasses.
She’s keeping her distance
If a girl is interested, you can tell by her body language. They’ll lean forward a tiny bit like they’re trying to read small print. They’ll jokingly do a flirty shoulder punch like a giddy middle schooler. If she ain’t interested, she’s standing back a little bit, perhaps because she’s irritated by your grotesque face and shitty breath.
She’s barely contributing to the conversation
Sure, she’ll talk along and follow you down your little yellow brick road of boring small talk. She’ll answer your questions and be like “Yeah, I love that movie too” or “Yeah, I love that team, too” or “Yeah, I hate Wally Bryton, too.” But she won’t ask you any questions. She won’t venture into subplots with your little one-sided conversation. She’ll just stand there and nod her head, bored out of her fucking mind.
She can tell you’re a Trump, Bernie, or Hillary supporter
Let’s stop lying to ourselves, all 3 of them suck.
She just shot you in the dick with a crossbow
If there’s one thing I know about these hoes, it’s that when they shoot you in the dick with a crossbow, they do not want the D. So just back off and go away before she shoots you in both testicles individually with 2 more bolts, because that shit is painful and you’ll never be able to reproduce any annoying, loud, arrogant children one day.
She’s actually just a bag of fries that you thought was a human woman
That’s a bag of fries, you fucking idiot. You drank too much. Go home, Chaz.
Next time a girl isn’t interested in your 3 and a half inch prick on a loud Saturday night, don’t take it personally. Don’t get all cocky and entitled, angrily speed home and jerk off to pictures of your own biceps. Learn the ways of the woman, learn some humility, and take this wisdom with you..
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