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8 Reasons Rejection Isn’t Horrible

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A few months ago, we explained that all female friends (above a 7.5, of course) are just friends we haven’t closed with and I’m not refuting that notion. I’ll confess: Some guys (who aren’t me) struggle to close on the blue chip prospects, and that’s no condemnation of their attraction, sense of humor, or closing ability. Some guys are openers, some guys are chasers, and some guys are closers.

I’ll offer some consolation. You let fly a hail mary and the perfect 10 shoots you down. Fear not, there are innumerable benefits to keeping hot girls around, even if your chances of closing are grim.

1. It isn’t always permanent.

Denial doesn’t always mean you missed your chance. Even if a hot girl shoots you down the first or second time you test the waters, you can come back stronger next semester. Spend some time in the weight room, lose the inner tube, work on your drinking, balloon your confidence, and, with some hard work, you may very well land that hard nine. College-aged girls are fickle, and much like professional sports, you’re competing in a “what have you done for me lately?” game. Take some time, up your stock, and try again later.

2. She might pawn you off on another hot friend.

Some girls like having a guy on the hook who they have no intention of banging, yet lead him on anyway. These girls suck. We hate these girls. Weed them out. Other girls, such as girls in relationships or girls who believe you’re a genuine, good person, might shoot you down, but point you in the direction of a comparably hot friend. You didn’t win gold, but a bronze or silver will still boost the medal count.

3. Hot friends breed hot friends.

Surrounding yourself with top-tier ladies, whether you’ve fucked them all or not, inflates your perceived worth. Other girls will see the company you keep and figure you only cast for the biggest fish in your pond. Even the girls on the upper crust will see you as a commodity (or, at worst, in a similar league). Plus, hot girls with hot friends will inspire you to shoot the moon.

4. Their insight will sharpen your game.

So, you couldn’t bag the near-10. Learn from your mistakes. But also don’t throw her aside in a fit of inadequate rage. You can continue to learn from your folly. Go out with her and a friend, put a few drinks in her, ask some questions, and actually listen. While no two girls think the exact same way, she might teach you a thing or two about moving in on a girl who’s out of your league. If you’re open-minded enough, she might even tell you where your pursuit of her fell short. It’s like watching last weekend’s game film.

5. Your boys will still think you pull and you’ll force them to up their game.

Be that guy who invites the eights and nines to the listed parties. So what if you can’t fuck them all (or any)? No one will know how much you truly pull, but at least you’ll liven up the party. You’ll get the guys talking and inspire them to put the bong down, get their socially awkward asses off the couch, and set course for human contact. Not only will your brothers think you’re crushing ass, you’ll force them to chase some blue-chip women, too. Everybody wins.

6. You’ll get a lot of free drinks as the hot girls’ friend.

Whether she friendzoned you or you’re just her gay best friend, public association with hot women only serves to enhance your night. When drinking with upper-echelon girls, lonely guys will buy them drinks just for being upper-echelon, and oftentimes, you won’t be left out. “One for me, two for them, and one for their guy friend.” It might be a little emasculating but who doesn’t like free shots? Not much you can do once that shot’s been poured. Moreover, they might get you a free Uber ride with them if you’ve had five too many.

7. They make for good wingmen.

You’ll experience much more appreciable success going out with a few hot girls and a guy friend or two, as opposed to moving in a pack of seven sexually frustrated guys. Listen to Louis C.K.’s routine on the balance of guys and girls at the bar for more insight on why it’s better to integrate your group.

8. Ultimately, they’ll make you a better significant other.

Number eight ties into number four, except in a less mercenary way. Any female friend will make you a better boyfriend, husband, brother, or lover, but hot girls will better equip you to date hot girls, should you decide to buy the cow.

All things considered, don’t throw a bitch fit when the dime shoots you down. Your pride may suffer, but you stand to gain plenty from keeping her on good terms. Of course, she’s still the ultimate prize. Keep working at it, but don’t squander the opportunity she affords you to land a comparably good-looking girl.

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Kramer Smash

Unabashed Pitt alum with an affinity for brown girls and Manhattans. Send lovelies to

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