You likely spent the summer in one of two ways: either A.) banging your high school girlfriend, because she’s not a bad lay and you fully intend to break up with her before you leave for college, or B.) trying to slay as much ass as you could in the hometown pond before you head off to sea.
Whichever way you spent the summer months, you will meet all kinds of girls when you get to college that you didn’t have the opportunity to meet in high school: fat girls, thin girls, smart girls, dumb girls, pretty girls, ugly girls. If you’re smart, you’ll date all different types of ladies in order to develop a taste for what interests you and what doesn’t. But while you are dating around, there are definitely some types of ladies that you should stay away from, in the interest of self-preservation.
The Insecure Girl
Listen, most ladies have insecurities — our ass is too big, our boobs are too small, we can’t add without a calculator. But when a girl lets her insecurities dominate her relationship, that’s not good for anyone — particularly you. And no one is more insecure than a college freshman girl. She’ll always need to be reminded of her guy’s love and devotion to feel secure in her relationship, as opposed to letting that security come from within herself. Never mind that she’s going to constantly need to know where you are and what you are doing at all times. The insecure girl is always going to think every moment you aren’t with her you are doing something somewhere with someone else. So unless you’re willing to let her track you via GPS, dating her probably isn’t a good idea.
The Critical Girl
Like I said, we all have our insecurities — so on the flip side, do you really want to date someone who points out your shortcomings 24/7? The critical girl has high standards (which we applaud), but nothing is ever good enough for her. And she’s going to let you know it, whether it’s that she thinks your favorite shirt is hideous, your major is never going to get you a decent job, or your oral sex skills are on-par with a lapping puppy. If you date her, your ego had better be reinforced like a house during a hurricane so it can withstand the constant battering.
The Material Girl
When she cares about how much money you have, what label is on your shirts, and what kind of car you drive, she’s likely a material girl. While we know that we are living in a material world, you definitely don’t want to date someone who is more concerned with what you have than who you are. Because the second you decide to change your major from business to philosophy or some shit like that, she’s outta there. And she’s taking all of those nice gifts you bought her with her.
The Dependent Girl
The dependent girl can’t make decisions to save her own life. For her first 18 years, she had her parents to tell her where to go, what to do, and what to have for dinner. And now they are gone and if you date her, that person is going to be you. Now, I don’t know about you, but I have enough trouble making my own decisions without also having to make them for someone else. So unless running someone else’s life is your thing, steer clear.
The Control Freak Girl
On the opposite end of the spectrum from the dependent girl is the control freak. Not only does she make all of her own decisions (which is amazeballs), she wants to make them for everyone around her, too. In order for all to feel right in her world, the control freak girl needs to feel in control of everything in that world. So dating her means letting her direct your life – and you may not always be happy with the decisions she makes for you, given that they likely won’t involve blowing your food money for the week on beer or skipping class to play video games with your boys.
The Party Girl
Before I even go here, let me clarify: I enjoy a good party as much as the next girl. I like nothing more than to get blackout drunk off Fireball and vodka. But not every night, and not so much that it affects my work, my family, or my friends (much). The party girl takes this behavior to the extreme – and while her carefree attitude may be hot at the beginning, do you really want to date someone that’s a hot mess 95 percent of the time? I mean, is it worth the constant worry about her puking on your penis during a sloppy drunken blow job?
The Angry Girl
We all know at least one girl who’s just angry at life. For the angry girl, everything sucks: her dorm room, her roommate, her car, her friends. And guess what? If you date her, she will say her boyfriend sucks, too. The only good thing you are going to get out of this is some angry sex — and even that gets tired after a while. There is nothing you can do or say that can make her happy, so don’t even bother trying. Just move on to the next.
Odds are, you are going to bump into one or more of these ladies while you are out there exploring the dating pool during freshman year. What you choose to do when you do encounter them is up to you, but if you happen to fall into a relationship with one of them, good luck. You are going to need it..