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At some point in your undergraduate career, you’ll find yourself gravitating toward a girl who’s in a relationship. Your pursuit could be active, such as making physical advances (in which case you’re a dick — knock it off) or passive, such as frequent, albeit innocent conversation. You may not even be aware that you’re pursuing her. Crazy thought: You might just enjoy her company. Some girls are just fun to drink and play pool with.
Even if you’re not aware of your pursuit, her boyfriend is.
Depending on his insecurities (we’ll assume he’s pretty insecure), he’ll perceive you as a threat, and it will begin to envelop their relationship. Once your burgeoning friendship with his girl has prompted enough red flags, you’ll begin to notice the following.
She won’t let you meet him
The most obvious way to tell that her boyfriend isn’t fond of you is if she’s reluctant to introduce you to him. This can be taken one of three ways: She may want to hide her feelings for you from him, she’s trying to hide her relationship from you, or he’s made his negative feelings about you clear.
In most instances, the three aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, her latent feelings are what usually spurs his growing disdain for you. Even if the spark is subtle or nonexistent, he might still feel threatened by the esteem in which his girlfriend holds you and react accordingly: By hating your guts. But on the bright side, at least there’s no mystery about how he feels about you.
He adds you on Facebook despite never having met you
His contempt for everything you stand for may take an alternative, less avoidant route. Some guys’ growing suspicion leads them to track you on social media so they can keep tabs on you and their girl. This is the kind of passive aggressive, bitchy move that serves a dual purpose.
These types of guys choose to break down the separation between you and them not just to monitor your interaction with their girlfriends, but also in efforts to throw you off their scent and not have you suspect them of feeling threatened. I mean, it looks like they want to be friends — how could they have an ulterior motive?
Connecting on social media also enables the guy to open a dialogue with you. It’s all a big mind game, and mind games should be left to the girls.
She doesn’t open/respond to messages when he’s around
Ignoring/not opening texts transcends having “respect” for him. The fact that she bristles at any interaction with you when she’s with him means that he’s looking for it. She knows it’ll raise even more suspicion if he catches her responding to or even opening a message from you.
God forbid you run into them together. Regardless of how you approach the encounter, you’re fucked. Even if you act stand offish, it’ll still raise suspicion.
He’s outspokenly anti-fraternity or slams your chapter
While it may seem strange, this has happened to me personally more than once, especially when a girl I’m talking to has a GDI boyfriend. They’ve attacked my affiliation by hurling every frat stereotype at me, from my perceived lack of morals to the effect pledging must have had on my gender preferences.
These guys aim for the lowest fruit: They’ll say you pay for friends and insinuate that you need booze and drugs to get laid. In my experience, railing against fraternities to sully someone’s name often works opposite of how it was intended. Taking shots at someone just for their affiliation makes a person appear petty and jealous. And most girls aren’t too crazy about cargo-clad jealous guys.
He begins to smear his relationship all over social media
With some fellas, the closer you become with their girlfriend, the more they plaster their relationship all over social media. Suddenly, they’re much less averse to posting pictures together and retweeting nauseating, relationship-oriented shit from Whisper.
This could be an attempt to resurrect a floundering relationship or to give you (and others) the illusion that the relationship is in a much better place than it truly is. I consider this the move of a wounded animal — a desperation move. There’s blood in the water and they’re overcompensating to hide the smell.
He threatens you to stay away
When all else fails, some guys will just come at you directly. They’ll get your number from their girlfriend’s contacts or slide into your DMs to tell you to back the fuck off. Whether you’re consciously pursuing his girl or not, if he takes a direct route to tell you to take a hike, heed his suggestion and turn tail.
No girl is worth exchanging blows over — especially when she doesn’t mean much to you to begin with..