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6 Tips For Successfully Sleeping In Class

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So you didn’t catch enough Zs last night and you want to sleep in but you have to get your ass to “class” or whatever. Well, I’ve got some good news for you. You can multitask.

Go to class but get some much needed sleep during it. It’s not always super easy, and there’s always the tiny possibility that you could get caught. But that’s why I’m here, to guide you through this process. Here are some important pieces of advice for successfully sleeping through class.

Choose A Spot Near The Back

This one is easy. Simple class sleeping 101. What is this, amateur hour?! Anyone who tries to sleep in the front of the classroom is attempting to pull off the crime of the century. Sure, the difficulty of the task makes it enticing to risk takers who want to live on the edge, but everyone who has tried it has failed. Play it safe and sit as far back as possible. Accept that it’s the only way you can pull this off. You’re only human.

Don’t Sit Next To A Snitch

Snitches get stitches, so stay away from these bitches. You need to play it safe, and you have to remember to be hesitant to trust ANYONE. Do some recon around the room and make sure you sit next to someone who minds their own damn business. We can’t have your nice afternoon nap foiled by some sociopath who wants you be unhealthy and sleep deprived.

Make Sure You Don’t Have A History Of Snoring

The only thing worse than being ratted out by some rude douchebox who’s sitting next to you is being ratted out by your own damn self. Ask your roommates or your girlfriend if you have a history of snoring. Make sure you haven’t snored in at least a few months. This is an important mission, because we can’t afford to be taking any risks today.

Make Sure You Don’t Have A History Of Wet Dreams

This is when it gets difficult to talk about, but unfortunately if you’ve had any wet dreams since high school, don’t take the risk. The last thing you need is to come to fruition into your baggy jeans and walk around with your boxers full of DNA for the rest of the day. If this happens, you have no choice but to drop out of school and change your name within 24 hours or less.

It’s Mandatory To Do It If The Class Is Watching A Video That Day

The lights are off, and the movie is probably boring, so this is your time to shine. The whole class is gonna be doing it, and you want to fit in. If the whole class was jumping off a bridge, would you? The answer is of course you would. There’s the chance that the teacher may want you fill out a paper during the questions, but fuck that paper. That asshole teacher is ruining the environment by printing out those papers anyway. Disgusting.

Just Stay In Bed And Don’t Go To Class

100% success rate.

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Wally Bryton

TFM's most beloved writer

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