I had to double check the source on this, because one of our remotes wrote a satire news piece a few weeks back that was eerily similar to this story out of Bradley University. The two share such a likeness that, dare I say, we may have influenced the actions taken by fraternity members last week. Of course, I would never make such bold proclamations.
Sure, America’s youth may be running around in brightly colored five-inch inseams and boat shoes mid-December, but as our legal team has informed me, we at TFM do not sway these impressionable sheep with any activity deemed “illegal” one way or another — which makes this incident in Peoria, Illinois, unique and completely unconnected to anything that may have appeared on the site beforehand, despite an uncanny resemblance.
Six brothers of Delta Upsilon at Bradley University were arrested last Wednesday for allegedly cutting down a spruce tree at nearby Bradley Park and hauling some holiday joy back to their chapter’s house.
From PJ Star:
Bradley police were notified by Peoria Park District staff about the missing tree earlier this week. Park District police found tree branches matching the stolen tree at the Fredonia address. They were let into the house where they saw the tree in the dining room. House video identified the six suspects.
Park District staff retrieved the tree and took it back and verified that the tree matched what was remaining of the trunk at the site.
The Saint Nick Six were charged with criminal damage to state property and cited for after-hours use of the park, continuing the war on Christmas and pussification of this great country.
So now you’re telling me I can’t just go out to the wilderness with a chainsaw, cut down any tree I damn well please, throw that hoe on the back of a pickup, and lug it back to my domain where it’ll be the centerpiece of the dining room for a few weeks before ultimately being taken out to the curb on trash day? Then what do you suggest I do? Buy a lot tree? Yeah, go kick rocks. Why would I drop eighty bones on a modest, hole-ridden, used up fir when I can have the biggest, baddest spruce on the block free of charge?
I don’t care if it’s at the state park, your neighbor’s lawn, or in a graveyard, all trees should be open game during the Christmas season..
[via PJ Star]