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5 Ways Greek Life Is Like ‘Game Of Thrones’

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5 Ways Greek Life Is Like "Game Of Thrones"

A world steeped in tradition. A world of myths, legends, epics duels, and even more epic parties and grudges that span generations and cost more resources than even the greatest kings can muster.

No, I’m not talking about Westeros. I’m talking about the average Greek community. We’re a crazed menagerie of lunatics in an asylum that just happens to have classes and career potential. We also do a shocking number of things that one might hope were limited to the realms of Westeros. Luckily, incest is not one of them. Anyway, here are a few of the strange ways Greek life mirrors Westeros.

1. Tradition is King

Tradition is what it’s all built on. Traditions, from rituals to our values, theoretically keep us in line. Most of our traditions fall more in the realm of what we do to forge our chapters and bring in our new members. Every house has longstanding national traditions, but local traditions, like the seventh year senior ex-military pledge-master with PTSD, keep things interesting and potentially terrifying. He loves the smell of fear in the morning, which is fitting, because I’m pretty sure fear is on the menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner in Westeros.

Often, people will question our traditions, wondering if all we do is really worth it, or relevant in this day and age. If this were Westeros, those people would be on The Wall, because those people aren’t really providing any other useful input otherwise.

We also both have the tendency for grudges. Much like nobles hate each other for vague and unexplained reasons, we create rivalries that you couldn’t plausibly write into a movie script. One innocent prank involving a hose and another chapter’s basement, and suddenly World War III has broken out on Greek Row. Another house offends you? Burn that shit down with flaming arrows or fireworks. We’re men. We’ve defended our honor since time immemorial. No reason to stop now just because liberals think it’ll hurt someone’s feelings.

2. Political Intrigue and Gossip

Those of you around in the heyday of Juicy Campus and College ACB are sure to understand this one. Hell hath no fury like a Greek scorned. I saw entire lives and reputations ruined on those websites. People transferred schools because of the horrible rumors going around about them. Though I don’t really understand why anyone would believe a rumor that some chick took 10 cocks simultaneously. The biological maximum is definitely no more than 7 or 8, but we’re not here to test that theory. Pretty sure you’re safer attempting to kidnap a Direwolf pup from its mother than throwing your name up on those sites.

The political intrigue holds true in both worlds too. We all vie for power on our respective campuses, finding ways to make a move for top house, which is like the Iron Throne, if it were made of beer, attractive women and solo cups. Though in the Greek world, you don’t have molten gold poured onto your head in your attempt to get it.

3. Sex

George R. R. Martin, the genius behind Game of Thrones, originally developed his storytelling chops making up fantasy novels starring his rabbits. Of course, characters in this universe share another trait with rabbits: they fuck all the goddamn time. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a couple fucking. Are you aware of the number of dead cats in Westeros? I’m sure it’s high.

Without missing a beat, we attempt to put the volume of sex in Game of Thrones to shame. Date? Fucking on the dance floor. Formal? Fucking in the cabin and on the beach. Class? OTPHJ. Sporting events? The OTPMSHJ (Outside The Pants Monkey Suit Handjob). We work sex into literally everything, including philanthropic event naming. We would make “Fuck For The Cure” a charity event if we could.

4. We Have An Unyielding Enemy At Our Gates

The families of Westeros have to deal with the White Walkers; we have to deal with GDIs. Both will never stop, never tire and never give up until we’re dead. Luckily, we both have our walls. The rush process and our houses keep us safe from their menace, but occasionally one slips through and does some damage. At least our periodic legion of enemies isn’t trying to murder us all and potentially eat our flesh.

5. Shameless Disregard for Our Livers

If you thought sex ran rampant in Westeros, you have obviously been missing the alcohol. Every five minutes on that show someone is throwing a feast, and someone is undoubtedly trashed. The parties are large, rowdy and filled with sex. The morals are questionable, but it’s cool because the players involved are the elite of the elite, and no one is going to fuck with them. Sound familiar?

It’s probably not the best thing that our lives have some parallels to one of the most violent and decadent kingdoms of any universe, but on the bright side, it always keeps things interesting. Just refrain from taking a broadsword to the presidents of rival houses or having one brother who just keeps saying “Freshmen are coming,” and you should be fine.

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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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