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Everyone’s a little crazy on social media. Me, you, all of us. In fact, if a girl doesn’t look crazy on social media, she might actually be crazier than any of the girls on this list. Regardless, a selfie here and there isn’t a deal breaker, and a couple casual uses of the word “bae” sarcastically doesn’t mean that she’s going to try to wife you. But, if you see any of the following social media behaviors from your new side piece, you should probably find a new girl.
1. She’s in a relationship with her BFF on Facebook.
While seeing the sight of her “married” to her hot blonde BFF on Facebook may entice you to start fantasizing about a threesome, hold your horses. Her lezzy relationship status doesn’t mean that she’s bisexual or down to experiment; it means she’s not secure enough with herself to be “single” on Facebook. It likely happened after her last (bad) breakup. She felt down on herself and thought that being in a fake FB relationship with a chick would calm her down and bring her the attention that she craves. She’s probably keeping this relationship up until she can find some poor sucker to become her real boyfriend, and unless you want that to be you (you don’t), you’re going to have to give up on your threesome dream and GTFO before she tries to send you a relationship request.
2. She seems to live in a weirdly warped world.
You see that strangely bent railing behind her in her latest Instagram post? That’s not some trendy new furniture design from Pinterest. That’s a shitty Photoshop job. If you were semi-coherent when you fucked her, you likely know what she looks like naked anyway, so it’s not like she’s deceiving you with her B-grade photo editing skills, so why should it matter? I’ll tell you why.
Any bitch who’s crazy enough to try to lie about her own body on Instagram is crazy enough to lie about anything. You shouldn’t be surprised if she starts prancing around campus telling everyone that you two have “a thing” after you fucked her one time. You also shouldn’t be surprised if she tries to sneak a pic of you for her Snapchat story and caption it “bae.” Have fun with this one, really. While you’re at it, make sure to check out what her butt actually looks like in person. Not as much like Kim K as it looked like on Instagram? Tragic, I know.
3. She’s constantly posting about celebrity gossip.
It’s one thing to keep up with celebrity gossip — lots of girls do — but to care about it enough to actually post about it on her own social media page is a definite red flag. This girl lives for drama. When she doesn’t have enough of it in her own life, she has to emotionally invest in the lives of the Kardashians or some other famous-for-nothing reality star.
This is the type of girl who starts a fight with you just to “spice things up.” The type of girl who you will literally make out with just so that she’ll stop talking. The type of girl whose idea of a fun night is getting drunk, crying over nothing, and staying in your bed until you can guess what she’s upset about.
4. She captions her photos with quotes like “If you can’t handle me at my worst, don’t expect me at my best.”
At her best, she’s clingy. At her worst, she’s a psychopath. No matter how hot she is, it’s not worth it. If she quotes anything that’s “allegedly” by Marilyn Monroe, she probably believes in “soulmates” and complains about how no guys ask her on “real” dates anymore. Save yourself.
5. Her Snapchat story is regularly over 100 seconds.
It’s common knowledge that if you’re actually having fun, you’re probably not on your phone, but this chick never got that memo. Every party has to be recorded, every outfit documented, and every drink photographed. This chick has to let every single motherfucker know that she’s looking hot, she’s getting drunk, and she’s having fun. Sick.
While nearly every girl on social media (and this list) is some type of attention whore, this girl takes the cake. Either she’s the type of girl who’s super insecure and fakes confidence for social media (and likes), or she’s actually a cocky ass bitch who believes that she deserves a dude to buy her diamonds for no reason and kiss her feet every morning.
If you’re the type of guy who likes locking himself in his room alone every Friday night and having to share his iPhone password with his girlfriend, congrats! You’ve found the girl of your dreams. If not, see if you can coerce her to use Snapchat to send you a few nudes, and then make like Casper and ghost her ass..
Image via YouTube