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5 NFL Picks That’ll Help Pay For Your JUUL Pods

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Last week I went 5-0. Again. I am 10-0 in my last ten picks and now 28-15 with my NFL picks on the season. I’m on a hearter and there is nobody to blame but yourself if missed out on this free money train. Look at this dude below. He parlayed all of my picks and made $460.

After these picks hit, you will have enough money to buy a JUUL, and join myself and the rest of the country in becoming hardcore nicotine addicts. Trust me, it’s fun. Let’s get into it.

All lines via Hit them up for all your gambling needs.

Jets Vs. Buccaneers – Under 44

This game is laughably bad. The Bucs are completely depleted and the Jets are the questionable leftovers that have been sitting in the fridge for the last week or so. I’m predicting around 30 points scored total in this game. Lock it in, and swallow the key.

Saints Vs. Bills – Bills +3

The Saints are on a 6 game win streak, and this week it snaps like Gordon Hayward’s leg on opening night. Bills +3 is the play, and if you’re feeling it sprinkle some money on their ML.

Chargers Vs. Jaguars – Jaguars -3

The Jags and I have a history together. This week I love them (I think). The Chargers don’t travel well, and the Jags defense has only given up 7 points in their last two games. Lenny Fournette is back this week, and I expect him to smash Charger defenders in the face like Billy Hargrove and Steve Harrington in Stranger Things Season 2.

Patriots Vs. Broncos – Patriots -7

Patriots -7 is my new favorite line. The Broncos just got flattened by the Eagles, and the Pats are about to rinse and repeat.

Packers Vs. Bears – Packers +6

This game is going to be a classic, cold, NFC North slugfest, and I’m hype for it. This game will be decided by minimal points, so I’m all over the Packers +6. Watch it, and send it.

Lock in these picks and buy a JUUL, or don’t and be a fucking squid. Either way, the train is rolling and you should get on while it’s hot. As always, hit me up on Twitter @ConesDeal to discuss, call me a fuck, or keep up with my bets.

Image via Shutterstock

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Mookie Bets

Mush bettor, juul addict, and a millennial to blame.

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