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Between renting charter buses, booking hotel rooms, and choosing fine drinking establishments at which you’ll blow copious amounts of money, there is a lot of planning that goes into a memorable formal. Hopefully, you didn’t elect a shit for brains social chair and they’ve picked a top-notch place for you and your brothers to party your balls off in the company of fine women. But “hopefully” doesn’t get the job done, and the decision of where to have your formal is obviously extremely important, so to avoid you blowing it and ruining the entire fucking semester for everyone, here’s a list of the only places you should be considering for formal.
A lot of people throw out Charleston as a go-to place for formal. They’re not wrong, but Savannah is a better choice for multiple reasons: the bars are open later, and there’s no open-container law. Mix these two things with a hundred horny guys and their dates, and you’re bound to lose a dick or two in the process. All in all, Savannah is a fantastic place to have your formal. I had one of the best formals ever there. Avoid the steep historical steps after drinking. Learn from my mistake. Highly recommend hitting up Wet Willy’s and Rail Pub for drinks and Sweet Melissa’s for drunken pizza.
Because I’m not learning-disabled, I know I can’t leave Charleston off this list. Charleston is a true southern gem for those who put the word formal into formal weekend. That’s just the way of life in the southeast. It has everything. You can hit up the beach all day and the bars all night. I’d still take Savannah over Charleston, but you can’t go wrong with either. It’s a matter of personal preference, really.
When you hear the word “formal,” New Orleans is one of the first places that comes to mind. It’s the American capital of drunken debauchery. From hand grenades to hurricanes to sketchy drug deals in the middle of the street, NOLA has everything you need to create a formal weekend where your only memories are relived through fuzzy photos your pledge brothers are holding over your head as blackmail to use down the road if you choose to become a politician. If you don’t do a New Orleans formal at least once in your fraternal career, then I pity you. You can walk around in the damn street with drinks, for fuck’s sake. And there’s a casino. And strip clubs. For the love of God, man — just do NOLA at least once.
Any Mountain Destination
Mountain formals are great. Something about the higher altitude and colder temperatures make your date’s clothes come off faster. In between blacking out and banging, you can do some actual skiing. If you aren’t good at it, just keep drinking. The risk of a broken bone and looking foolish in front of everyone else isn’t worth it. Plus, mountains are the only place where you can hit the slopes in the morning, during the afternoon, and at night before dinner. Not that I’ve ever done that. Drugs are bad.
Dirty 6th is the main attraction when it comes to Austin, but the city has much more to offer. Since the weather is pleasantly warm for 10 months out of 12, you can rent a boat on one of the lakes and rage your face off. Finding a place to open a bar tab for the whole gang is easier than a freshman girl who just graduated from an all-girls private school. Shameless plug for Buckshot. Tell Alan I sent you..